jerry carlin

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01 Apr, 2010

Wednesday, April Fools! As you take most medicines you can feel yourself getting better! That is certainly not true with chemo-cancer fighting cocktails that I get! Well, to answer an earlier question that I had, the effects seem to be cumulative, you get a little worse and it last a little longer! I can still do things, today I did the plumbing and electrical for a greenhouse! and yesterday I built 20 feet of concrete benches for the same greenhouse. So I am basically OK, and each of these days were about 5 hours, but to be honest it is very tiring and about the maximum that I am capable of doing! Funny, getting older without the Cancer is bad enough! I remember in my 20's, I used to work for another contractor, about 10 hours a day. After this work is when I built my house! The very same one I now live in! I could very easily work 16 hours a day then! What a shame to waste the strength of youth, I can barely work 5 now! At least I know the chemo is doing something! I still have my hair but it is falling out in clumps! I can't wait, that will be so funny! Most of my life I have had a disdain for "lazy" people and I will become one! that's too funny for words! I have 85 tomato plants UP in the greenhouse! Mostly heirloom, and about 8 varieties, most will get 7 feet tall. I think it is going to be a great year for tomatoes!

28 Mar, 2010

Sunday, already and I have had three naps! Some of you are curious as to what chemicals I am getting in my cocktail so I am going to report on them! First I get a bag, about a pint of salene solution (salt water) to flush out my veins and a little dilution of the chemicals. Then, about half that much in steroids to "relax me and make me strong"! Steriods have the nasty side affect of turning your organs to mush! Then the real stuff! "Adriamycin", maybe 8 ounces and it is very dangerous! The nurses where a haz-mat suit when they are doing this one! this causes fevers, chills, chest pains, mouth sores, nausea, vomiting, pain, swelling of hands and feet, hair loss, loss of finger and toe nails, and a lot more! I wonder who the first Human Being to accept this was??? The doctor calls this "medicine"! Another is called: "Dacarbazine" this one makes you tired and it is working! other symptoms: muscle pain, breathing problems, hair loss (all of them do this, it is part of the humor of doctors. It is probably not necessary!) sore throat, difficult passing urine (not for me, I pee about a hundred times a day!), and a lot more! Another one is Vincristine Sulfate Solution and this is only 4 or 5 ounces. This one give you "chemo-brain" confusion and changes in emotion (finally I have something to blame!), constipation! breathing problems (like the other drug wasn't enough) cough, more muscle weakness, "pain, tingling, numbness in hands or feet" THAT doesn't adequately describe it! Hair loss (more humor here) loss of appetite, balance issues and seizures!!! and The last in this cocktail is Bleomycin Sulfate. This causes more confusion, more breathing problems, more chest pain, mouth sores, faint, more pain in the hands and feet and more nausea! Sometimes I wonder...marijuana doesn't cause any of these symptoms! I still read the obituaries and notice the "died of complications of cancer" entries. They probably died from the cure but saying that would be bad for business! I'm all right so far! I don't have most of these symptoms! In my drinking days (I have been dry for 20 years!) I prepared myself well.

26 Mar, 2010

The Friday after chemo and I can feel it already! Did you ever have something bad happen in your life and you can't remember the details? It is interesting, I can remember the good things and in great detail, I can tell you what I had for dinner and who was there! But I forget the bad times really fast. I don't know if these 'tired' symptoms are getting worse? I just know that they will pass and be forgotten. The only way to remind myself is if I write them down. It begins in my hands, both an ache and a numbness like maybe putting them through an old fashion wringer-washer, although I've never done that before, but I can imagine it. Then my arms will ache right up to my shoulders and feel as though they weigh a hundred pounds! I know they don't. I don't weld much these three days, I play in the greenhouse and I putter about my garden like an old man! If I watch television in twenty minutes I am sound asleep! But on a really good day I can't watch it for more than an hour! I guess what is frustrating to me is that I prefer to being doing something, welding, painting, some kind of project where I could get a sense of accomplishment and on these 3 days I don't get much done! It is comforting knowing that this will pass and I really won't remember much about it!

25 Mar, 2010

Thursday, already! People are always asking me how am I doing? I am not sick. To see me you wouldn't even know I have this dreaded desease. Last weekend I installed one of my biggest railings ever and today took another one to the shop to be painted. I have cancer, it does not have me! I feel great today and am thinking I may not even have those 2 "bad days" this weekend? Spring is in the air and there is so much to do and all of it is fun and my garden is calling me! So, how am I doing? I think better than most people without cancer!

24 Mar, 2010

Wednesday today! Did I tell you about the Steroids? It is all part of the cocktail I get to keep me strong! It works well on Tuesday and Wednesday night. I woke up at 2 AM wide awake! Then tomorrow will be normal and then face fatigue for a couple days. Not too bad. We don't often hear the "bad stories" about cancer, but I do think about them from time to time. Dead people don't walk up to you and say, "yeah I had cancer and it was a b*tch, killed me!" I read the obituaries now and that's a sign of old age for sure! I often see "died from complications of cancer." I am thinking the "cure" killed them, but I am hearing stories about people quitting the chemo treatments! and then the cancer comes back with a vengence! Now why would someone quit? They have run OUT of insurance! They lost their job, used up their savings and either lost their house or decided not to! That's pretty existential! House or health? I have discovered that it is a myth that cancer patience get treated for free. First they will take everything you have got, then they will send you home! Oh, you get to go to the emergency room a few times, but just enough to get you home again. Don't take my word for it, read the obituaries! I am lucky to have such a smart wife who also has good insurance!

23 Mar, 2010

Tuesday, Chemo Day! So far I have cost about $30,000 in tests and these Chemos are costing over $2,000 per session! Midway, I will get more tests and at the end they will all be repeated! You would think we could watch a movie during these four hour sessions! My blood count is excellent, the voodoo doctor says. Basicall the chemo kills my white blood cells down to a count of less than 500 and then I get about 2 weeks to try to build it up to 2000, and I am doing this just fine. The human body is pretty incredible really! If you put sugar in a car's gas tank the car is toast and I am like the Everready battery, I just keep going! On a different topic, I notice that every once in a while someone will go to the effort of looking at every sigle photo on my various galleries. This takes a lot of time and I know it is done by the counter but have no way to know who is doing this! I take it as an honor and am very humbled by it! It is kind of an auto-biography, as close as I will ever come to writting a book! These photos are the easiest way to get to know me. They show my skills as an artist, my personal likes, my politics and my weird sense of humor. I am in a few of them, as is my studio/shop, home, garden and my bridge and little garden pool. It is like inviting you to see my soul! So, for those who have looked, I very much thank you!

21 Mar, 2010

Sunday. Yesterday I installed the biggest railing I have ever done! A stair railing, 20' long, both sides! Clearly the cancer is not limiting me too much. Yes, the five hour installation was exhausting but I was so pleased and satisfied with the project and that was my total focus. This is my good week where I am strongest. I have another nice job to finish and I will get my well ready for the season. Next Tuesday I get chemo again and my hair is now falling out! I still have some but can pull it out in handfulls! When it is all gone I will post my Kojack Photo, it will be a hoot!

18 Mar, 2010

Wow, Thursday already! The sun is out and it is a beautiful Spring day in Oregon! I have been busy with work, seem to have gotten several jobs at once! maybe the economy is improving? When you are busy you have no time for cancer! My daughter went back to Texas and left us her dog! the friendliest dog I have ever seen! 120 pounds pitbull, mastif, rottweiler mix, but he doesn't know this! Between the dog, work and my garden, that's where I am, no place else.

13 Mar, 2010

Saturday, the weekend after chemo and my two days of feeling bad! I am realizing that I can't feel your pain. It is interesting how the same thing can happen to two different people, say a boxing match or broken legs, and you will get two different reactions from it. I think a part of it is choice and a lot of it is focus as I have mentioned before. I once broke a finger having wrapped it around the handle of a drill. I was on a job and it wasn't finished. I did take a break and went to a local little store and bought a popcycle, which I ate and then used the popcyle stick as a splint for my finger and wrapped it with electrical tape from my tool box. Good to go and I finished my job. That is really the way I have been all my life and I couldn't tell you why, just is! This cancer thing is much the same and except these two days after chemo I really don't give it a lot of thought. I have a job to finish!

12 Mar, 2010

It was fun and it was wet! Really pouring down rain! We hiked in the coastal forest anyway and got soaked! We stopped at a little cafe in Yachats and had a big bowl of clam chowder and fish and chips!and that was it, we came back home! It is only an hour and a half drive to the biggest Ocean in the world and a beautiful drive all the way! Alive and wet, it was great!