339 Comments (Page 9)

K Jacobs 21 Oct 2008

I pulled a booger out of my nose the other day that was so long...It made the back of my eyeballs itch...Now that I think about it,I kinda like that sensation...

Dan Ault 21 Oct 2008

Like the Good Book says, "There are bigger deals to come".

Dan Ault 22 Oct 2008

He's the best damn nudist trailer park manager in the Southwest.

K Jacobs 22 Oct 2008

Humanity...Can't live with them,and for some reason..........We can't nuke 'em...

K Jacobs 22 Oct 2008

NEWS FLASH!!!!...A Monkey has typed since 1947 and finally wrote a Broadway play...OMG!!!

It's called..."The Artist at work"...Go figure...

Order tickets in advance because it will be touring the world...(some restrictions apply)

K Jacobs 22 Oct 2008

And one more thing...Nevermind, I have to take this phone call...

Is this the lane I need to be in or is this the exit ramp?

22 Oct 2008

Dan Ault 23 Oct 2008

I can't walk that way, my knees are tied together.

Dan Ault 23 Oct 2008

Dear Big Brother,

My house is bigger than yours, and I've got a gun. Nyah, nyah, nee, nyah, nyah.

Dan Ault 23 Oct 2008

Attention new residents. Your prayers have been answered, and you've made it to Heaven.

But remember, no pets, no children, and no discharging of firearms within the heavenly halls.

Report to the addmissions desk where you will be issued rubber wings, a mini skirt, and a snot-proof helmet.

Have a nice eternity.

Dan Ault 24 Oct 2008

This is a great time for an interior monologue. I wish I had something to say.

Dan Ault 24 Oct 2008

Come on Doc! Open up, or I'll have to give through the keyhole.

Dan Ault 25 Oct 2008

Don't be stuck with left-over dreams in the terrible days to come.

Dan Ault 25 Oct 2008

"Give me imortality, or give me death!"

Dan Ault 25 Oct 2008

Hey, you don't wanna see it? Get yourself blinded.

Dan Ault 26 Oct 2008

Aw c'mon people. Ya gotta wear your Princess Plague Ribbons. The money goes right to keep the deadly organisms from getting across our designer borders.

Dan Ault 27 Oct 2008

We're U.S. Plus. We own the idea of America.

Dan Ault 28 Oct 2008

Lease an organ or limb from our Headless Body Farm. It's made in America from Americans. Enter the new century with these exclusive clone-ons.

Nap-vellour designer genes. Deluxe follical hair matte grafting with upgraded media sensitive stimulated wrapper filler. Rear rolled non-glossy carbon intensified glutal guards. Power moods, and tinted tint grill spoilers in slash dash or faux flannel.

So come on down to Ralph Spoil Sport's City of the Future. And do it today because there may not be a tomorrow.

Dan Ault 28 Oct 2008

Right above me is a stretch dumpster ready to speed Princess Goddess to the White Tie and Black Ribbon affair at Dead Center Hall.

There a replica of the solid platinum chord the doctors pulled out of her back, making it possible for her to speak again, will be auctioned off, along with Rose Mud, the mud board she was riding at the time of her final encounter with a land mine on the slopes of the English Alps.

Dan Ault 29 Oct 2008

What's black and white and red all over? A lobster in an old movie.