339 Comments (Page 5)

19 Sep 2008

Dan Ault 19 Sep 2008

Oh look, there's a little doggie-door here under his tail.

Dan Ault 20 Sep 2008

Consult your doctor if your pregnant, over 80 and operating heavy equipment.

Dan Ault 20 Sep 2008

That's faster than anyone's ever been gone before.

Dan Ault 21 Sep 2008

My husband is a policeman, and you wouldn't believe how dirty he gets my clothes.

Dan Ault 22 Sep 2008

What a piece of asphalt!

Dan Ault 23 Sep 2008

Is all this beating and clubing a part of the dance?

Dan Ault 23 Sep 2008

"It was the way she said it, ya know. Real husky, like a lead dog in a snow job."

Dan Ault 23 Sep 2008

Sure I have a heart, a fine one. Sincere and sensative as a baby boy on a strong windy day.

Yeah, I understand. I used to work the pits, see? - lookin' for the olives.

I was a fine Armenian youth with a finely muscled head...and he came...and he sold me on an easier proposition.

Listen, I was thick in the head, but thin in the wallet. Cheese was all we ate - see?...thin cheese - see? Very thin...thinner than the stuff we carried around in our wallets like money.

But we carried it more carefully because his picture was all over it...you understand what I'm sayin'?

Although that wasn't his signature on the bottom of the cheese...we all knew what he looked like - see? But who could pronounce his name? I mean, no sir!

Now look...I'll walk to the water, but I won't let my horse drink any of that. The boss'll take care of the horses. Let 'em drink cake! Down with the whole scheming middle classs!

They don't have any brains. Well, I guess I don't have to have any brains either - right? Go wrestle around with that one in the dessert - okay?

And say good-bye...so long.

Dan Ault 25 Sep 2008

You know, I've written a hundred scary books, but I still like to pick my dinner up right off the ground.

Dan Ault 25 Sep 2008

And here they are, bringing all of us back to life.

Dan Ault 26 Sep 2008

My landlord's wired, and he's transmitting.

Dan Ault 27 Sep 2008

Just go get your brains washed, and I'll pick these things up.

Dan Ault 28 Sep 2008

Energy is power, and power is everybody's business.

Dan Ault 29 Sep 2008

This just might be the ace in the closet that puts some pizza in the pantry.

Dan Ault 29 Sep 2008

See, I'm dancing there, and the liquid rain is soaking into my body like little tongues.

K Jacobs 29 Sep 2008

I'm not quite sure what that "icky thump" sound is...

K Jacobs 29 Sep 2008

Once upon a time the world was pure,like a virgin...But then that damn Eve had to go eating apples and all and,well,Adam got a stiffy...

Dan Ault 29 Sep 2008

Well, when I come home to write up more horror stories of your food, I want a healthy, natural way to make a little money.

K Jacobs 29 Sep 2008

The odd thing is,is that he tripped over his left foot...Funny in a way...He only has one leg.