Dan Ault 14 Dec 2008

What's it all about, Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Smith, from Anytown, U.S.A.?

Well, it's about this long. And about that wide. And it's about this country. About which we're singin' about.

Dan Ault 14 Dec 2008

Paul, maybe...now just maybe...hear me out...maybe she realized that going on the "Women Divorcing Tax Evaders" segment of Oprah could have done you serious harm.

Dan Ault 14 Dec 2008

Who are we?

We are sausages.

We are sausages with eyes.

Dan Ault 15 Dec 2008

Then roll up your arm and bend over. Do you want regular or premium?

Dan Ault 16 Dec 2008

It wasn't JFK who was shot in Dallas. It was Bing Crosby.

Dan Ault 18 Dec 2008

Ah my boney boy, in the Estonian Mountains, we used to go to sleep leaning up against a windfall.

I was but a mere prat then.

I'll never forget the time a snake slithered into my wife.

I wasn't but knee-high to a married grasshopper then. I never saw the woman again.

Dan Ault 20 Dec 2008

I went down to the Welfare Burger to pick up some of them gourmet fish heads, and I forgot my charger card.

I don't carry cash anymore 'cause it's too complicated and I don't...I don't have any.

Dan Ault 12 Jan 2009

Mr. Cox?

Aw Gee, I'm sorry.

I didn't see the light.

I didn't know you were busy.

Are ya broadcasting?

Hey, is this your new record number four?

Is Gary on it?

Is this it?

Hey, why are ya naked?

Pat 'Gracie' Merewether 12 Jan 2009

Dead Rat Bread makes happy cats. barf.

Where do we shovel all this snow when it melts?

Pat 'Gracie' Merewether 13 Jan 2009

Dan Ault 13 Jan 2009

Gals are nothing compared to nuclear war.

Gals are little and tear apart, not nuclear war.

Gals are warm and gals have heart.

Blondes are dumb, but bombs are smart.

If anything blows this gob apart,

It won't be gals. It'll be nuclear war.

Dan Ault 14 Jan 2009

Oh blinding light.

Oh light that blinds.

I cannot see.

Look out for me.

Dan Ault 14 Jan 2009

Can I say?...Hello.

Dis is Nino de mind boggler vit occult in your head. Today, let's get into holes, da most mysterious, importantest and vaguest suject of dem all.

Da whole earth might be called a hole if yer on da inside looking out. And whole golden cities might be hid at da bottom of a bottomless pit.

Even wholesome humans have holes. Doe ve're hardly whole at all. In fact, ve're wholely holy. As da holy book says in da Book of Holes, chapter one, "and dey knew not der holes from an ass on da ground".

Holes are possitively attractive. Let's go inside one and see.

Dis is a typical hole. Not a hole in da wall, but a hole like a well. Well, well, what da hell. Dat's da sun at da center of de earth. And dat's where dis hole leads to. Vat a nice warm fire.

Next time I'll speak to you about gravity, and it's opposite, comedy.

'Til den, dis is Nino saying...can I say?...goodbye.

Dan Ault 16 Jan 2009

You have just been participating in a sample test of your area alert system.

It works.

This is not a real test. Your concern at this point is enough.

Pat 'Gracie' Merewether 16 Jan 2009

gravity is a very heavy and serious subject. Can we have something lighter Dan? like helium?

Dan Ault 19 Jan 2009

The flag is coming by. Yes, yes, here it comes.

Ha! And there's nothing on the back of it. That's a big suprise. Very nice.

It's all white on the back ladies and gentlemen. So, the game will go on today without code 2 rules.

Well, the clock is getting close. The kids are going to be able to watch this one today.

Dan Ault 20 Jan 2009

Aw, is that all your think about? Pickin' up things?

Dan Ault 21 Jan 2009

Oh hot dog, groat cakes again! Heavy on the thirty weight Mom.

Dan Ault 25 Jan 2009

With counter-subversive educational priorities the way they are...well...it really helps our side to re-enlist.

Kathi Perry 25 Jan 2009

I kind of love your insanity :)