Pat 'Gracie' Merewether 10 Nov 2008

No, just right-wing relatives and it's hard to get rid of them.

Tom Roth 10 Nov 2008

You might want to put a pox on them...

11 Nov 2008

Pat 'Gracie' Merewether 11 Nov 2008

Elephants should never be forgotten. In the pecking order, who's the head pecker?

Dan Ault 12 Nov 2008

I got so I'd drink anything. After that I just couldn't seem to get off the stuff. My whole career went up in smoke. There was no way I could follow the scenario written by the people who pay for your wheelchairs, general.

Dan Ault 14 Nov 2008

What a day for this history-making remote broadcast. This is Joe Beats over at WX-21, Chicago.

I hope you're hearing this now as I'm speaking from the lawn of Gridhearst Manor, high-society home of Jonas Acme, fair-haired pharoah of American industry.

A grim, closed-mouthed Chief O'Moriority pushed his way through the pack of yapping news hounds and a growing crowd of curiosity seekers barely ten minutes ago, while we were setting up our equipment.

Now, while we're waiting for a statement from inside the great house, let me bring you - those of you who can hear me right now - up to date.

First, the mysterious theft in the mid-atlantic of a secretly developed power generator, the heart of the Acme All-Night Light and Power Company.

Then, announcement of indefinite delay in the construction of the Acme Canal. What a blow to the Windy City.

And all this in the midst of the worst electrical crisis of our new modern decade, as trollies, iron hearts, and cattle prods, switch on and off like a crazy monkey.

The reason? Possibly that glowing gas bag that plunged zizzing into Lake Acme early last week...But no, that story is gonna to have to wait, for here comes that dare-devil dandy himself, Frank Acme Jr. in his high-toned yellow run-a-bout.

Pat 'Gracie' Merewether 14 Nov 2008

Dan Ault 15 Nov 2008

And all who looked upon it grew sad, or corn, depending on their want.

Dan Ault 16 Nov 2008

This is a rebus written in a simple head code. Any English schoolboy could catch it.

Flotsom, pull down the Simple English Schoolboy Decoding Manual.

Dan Ault 26 Nov 2008

Well, be he goat or ghost, or ghost of goat, or both, I'll spirits need to goad my spirits on.

Dan Ault 26 Nov 2008

Yes, some uncomplicated peoples still believe this myth.

But, here in the technical vastness of the future, we can guess that surely the past was very different.

Dan Ault 26 Nov 2008

Animals without backbones hid from each other, or fell down.

Clamasaurs and oysterettes appeared as appetizers.

Then came the sponges which sucked up about ten per cent of all life.

Dan Ault 27 Nov 2008

What a strange day, huh?

What about them frogs?

And the drunks lying under the cars?

And the fishes and loaves all over the freeway?

Dan Ault 27 Nov 2008

Let me replay the conversation again...remindin' you...that you recorded it...with a...recording device...concealed in your... atomic heart.

Dan Ault 30 Nov 2008

Come to the Dark Winter Motel. Fight over planked, Hawaiian gator slabs in the Low Profile Bone Room where dispare is just a swallow away.

Dan Ault 02 Dec 2008

Attila was sitting on his hairy throne.

He's the Hun

He's number one.

He said, well come on boys, let's hit the road to Rome.

Said the Hun

He's number one.

Do the Hun

It's what the latest rage is.

Do the Hun

It's from the Middle Ages.

No other dance can touch it.

No other holds a candle

I learned it from a Visogoth

Who learned it from a Vandel.

Dan Ault 03 Dec 2008

Hello Americans. Call me Joe.

And here's some good news. The Phone Company is sending every one of you a big brown bag of hot food.

Why? Because we took your shoes away without telling you.

Dan Ault 04 Dec 2008

That's Ma Rainy's Whole Moleskin Cookies.

Eat 'em...wipe 'em off...eat 'em again.

Dan Ault 04 Dec 2008

The sweet sour mash smell of bourbon and strawberry lipstick cut through my brain like a fresh lawnmower.

Dan Ault 14 Dec 2008

Someone on the Supreme Court's a woman. And it's not the one you think!