Welcome to the modern family room—formerly known as the outside world. Why bother driving to some sad, flickering retail store when a cheerful little drone from Amazon can drop off toothpaste, socks, and a comically oversized box of things you forgot you ordered? From cradle to coffin, the algorithm has thoughtfully curated your life: diapers today, impulse purchases tomorrow, and bulk urns with free two-day shipping later. Sure, the cost is trivial—just sunlight, human contact, and the faint memory of walking into a store and speaking to another mammal. But don’t worry, the recommendation engine is here to help, gently nudging you toward your 14th “limited-time deal” of the day, because nothing says freedom like buying three of something you searched for once while half-asleep.