Being chronically ill takes it out of you, and some days all you can do is fight the self pity that would eat you alive if you ever entertained it, but you know that so you fight it! Days when I’m in too much pain to really leave my chair are hard, days when I have laundry to do and errands to run and I cant even get dressed are maddening, but I lean on faith, and by grace I make through. . It’s been such a long rough year, a year of losses, and uncertainty. I keep putting of an MRI as if time will make the answers better, I guess I really don’t want to know right now, just a few more days to pretend it’s ok. It will all be ok, or at lest that’s what I tell myself. It’s days like this I have to fight the empty, lonely feeling that being chronically ill brings. I needed to paint but found myself unable to for long. I need to fill the emptiness being sick has left and Art is how I do that, so not being able to left me extra empty. I’m so ready to have a dedicated place to paint again, I keep telling myself that will make it better. No matter how I try to set it up, it’s so hard for me to both set up and then paint, so my goal one day to have a space I can leave things set up again. Forever the optimist, I find even I am having trouble finding my peace right now. This is a piece I did previously but right now I just want to be on that balcony, soft ocean breeze, smell of spring, nothing to do, maybe I’ll eat there in my dreams tonight.