Tuesday Morning, and I know that I am complaining a lot. and I am thankful that I am able to! I am surrounded by positive energy and I know it. I have people all over the world thinking of me and sending me well-wishes, good healing thoughts, jokes and funny stories. I look forward to these and it is always nice to be distracted with a laugh. I wonder though about this chemo. I have three left and continue this because of statistics. "Three" more is statistically necessary, but other than white cell counts, I am not sure anyone knows what is happening to me now. The voodoo doctors can't test me more often because the test is like getting 400 x-rays and this causes damage. So, three to go, one more week and only two to go.

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Monday morning. I did eat yesterday but not much. Some tapioca, some jell-o, one Ensure, some juice, and after 6 THC pills, 2 little tacos! I guess that is a lot by comparison. I sleep well at night and that is a relief. always at least 10 hours and sometimes more. Today will be a soft begining of my good days. Soft because the difference is not so dramatic now, it is just a direction,"a little better instead of a little worse". but I will take it, any improvement is a lot. I think if my garden ever sees the sun it will explode!

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Sunday Morning, and I am getting very tired with this. Three chemos left and I am wondering what is left to kill? My taste buds are gone. Everything tastes like chaulk and sits in my stomach like chaulk. Salt, suger or pepper, it is all the same. Today I will take six THC pills, I just had two and I will have 4 more before lunch, maybe then I can eat something. My single morning cup of coffee tastes horrible. I am not enjoying this.

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Saturday, I slept through yeterday! and I didn't eat much. I will double the dose today, maybe that will work. Have you ever put your hands under a truck's tires and had the driver pull ahead? That's how my hands feel. I can't button my shirt nor hold a paint brush. I really can't do much of anything. I have turned down two jobs! That's a first for me. My new slogan, "Just say no". I am pretty tired.

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Thursday. Chinese Food last night!!! I am beginning to understand why people can write food blogs. I had one "pill" in the morning and 2 about 4 pm and had a great dinner about 5pm, and I ate at least half of it. That is more solid food than I have eaten it three weeks! I am not sure if I am to say "thank god for doctors" or "thank god for Hippies!" but these Marijuana pills sure work! Now, what will I have for dinner???

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Wednesday and I think it rained an inch last night! I ate last night!!! I had my chemo yesterday and the voodoo doctor didn't like my weight loss (although my regular doctor might like it). I am now on artificial marijuana pills! I am not supposed to get "stoned" but am supposed to be hungrey, and it works! ("don't take more than 6 a day!"). I don't even have to grind them up and smoke them! 2 with a glass of water and 30 minutes later I was in the kitchen! I ate a whole bowl of chicken soup and TWO pieces of cheese cake! Balanced diet. and they were great!!! reminds me that when this is over I don't really have to have a 7 course meal, anything tasty will be perfect! I bet there are lots of "happy pills" the doctors could give you! Real marijuana could not only regain your appetite but offer pleasant "tripps" along the way. There must be some kind of energy pill and many others. At the moment it is nice to be able to eat. I am thinking oatmeal for breakfast!

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Tuesday, June st today. It is "Chemo-day" for me, #1 of 4 or #9 of 12, depending on how one counts. The Voodoo doctor will ask me how I am feeling but he will be looking at his computer for the numbers he really wants. He is after cell counts. None of me feels good so I am assuming the cancer feels horrible and would rather leave! My hands are pretty bad, I can't button the buttons on my shirt or tie a simple knot. For someone who has worked with their hands this is not nice. I have no work this week and I think that will be nice. Funny, I almost had a job but couldn't produce a sketch or a simple gate to show the customer! I can not operate a pencil. This is funny because the sketch part of the job is just to reassure the customer, I never look at it while I am working on the project and more often than not the sketch has no resemblance to the finished piece! It is more of an assurance that everything will be to their liking and in the end they forget the sketch, the one I never looked at. My doctor will be concerned about my lack of appetite. I have been losing weight although I don't reccomend this as a diet. My friends are encourage me to try marijuana! I haven't had any since 1968 and I suspect it is not even the same plant now. I would like to eat something but don't like the idea of "being stoned". I think I would like to remember what I ate! We shall see what the voodoo man has to say.

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Monday, Memorial Day and I am reminded that there are more significant issues in the world than my cancer! I never think of my brother as a soldier but he is a Veteran, as was my father in WWII, and now very young people, younger than my children are Veterans of Afghanistan or Iraq. I have German friends on ArtWanted and Vietnamese, and Muslim, and wonder what horrible force in humanity it would take to kill them? All wars are like that. In different circumstances we would be having drinks together and laughing! Why is it so easy to get our young to fight? I think if there were a law that one had to be over 50 years old to join the military then there would be no wars. Today we have been in Afghanistan for over 10 years, our longest war ever! We hear of the 1,000 dead Americans, but not a clear counting of the other dead, and the tens of thousands who are seriously hurt. Time changes and things become different. Today you can go on a tourist expedition through the Jungles and tunnels of Vietnam and they will serve you tea. But the Veterans remain and are amongst us. One day a year we honor their bravery and courage, acknowledge their fear and for one day we admit we owe a debt to them, if for no other reason, we asked them to do a very terrible thing that we couldn't do ourselves. We don't compensate them enough for our failures! Thank you, my brother, and all Veterans.

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Sunday Morning and I can't believe what I did! Yesterday was beautiful, clear and about 66 degrees f. I helped my "apprentice" (in quotes because he was in charge!) install two garden gates and 6 fencing panel with leaf arches! It felt like it was on a mountainside but was really a hillside. The client was enthusiastic in her happiness with the job! She had no idea how appretiative I was that she was so thrilled, and how all that happy, positive energy helped me through the day! I did it. I feel as if I have run a marathon and might take a break until all this is over. I don't know. I am not much of a "no" sayer and I have never said, "I can't do that"!

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