Friday morning and did I ever sleep! from 5:30 pm until 5:30 am. so half my battle today is over with! I am tired, sore, achy and all that but still pretty pumped that I have only 2 chemos to go! and I am thinking of making lists of things to do! The end is in sight and soon I will forget all this.

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Thursday Morning and I had a great meal yesterday! Hunan Beef, hot and spicy Chinese food! I couldn't eat the rice but I ate all the rest! I only lost 3 pounds in the last two weeks which is a huge accomplishment from the 10 - 12 pounds every two weeks that I hae been losing! This is not a weight loss program that I would recommend to anyone! This is supposed to be the beginning of my bad days but I feel pretty good this morning! Eating might be doing that? and just knowing there are only two frieght trains to go! That is so doable it is beginning to all look easy! I wonder about people who have survived cancer and then turned their lives around, taken up jogging and eating healthy foods, bettering their life style? I really want to get back to just being me: doing a lot and doing it all too much! There is a little candle left and I enjoy the warmth of burning it at both ends! What a great day yesterday was! I sold a metal sculpture I made six years ago for $1,200 dollars! You just never know!

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Wednesday Morning: TWO TO GO! I can't wait to turn this blog over to art or complaining about politics, my tomatoes, or that horrible cancer we have created in the Gulf Coast. Just normal things of life become pretty special when they are taken away from you. I am told that for a cancer patient I am pretty normal: pain in the hands, can't zip my fly up!, extreme fatigue and feeling like I am 80 years old, and "chemo brain", difficulty organizing my thoughts. I used to write everything down but now I can't hold a pencil. I am going to eat when this is over! Something simple and elegant and full of taste! I will be glad when this is no longer a complaining cancer blog. That is not me. When things have gone wrong in my life or my work I have always made a list and crossed items off or added to them to dig my way out of where the hoe I was in. I have always been a problem solver, thinking I can do this and that and the other to get where I needed to go. The trick is to not lose sight of the goal. I have tried this same approach, because it is the only one I know, with cancer. This is certainly in the "top ten" holes I have ever been in. I am on my way out. I can feel it. Only 2 more to go! I have a couple "good days" left and then the frieght will come. Soon I will get off this track and just let it pass by.

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Monday Morning. I slept well last night but didn't eat much yesterday, some fresh tomato slices and some broth. Today I will smoke some marijuana and see if that helps! I am not after getting high; I need to eat! Tomorrow I get chemo and then only two to go! It is so difficult to describe these "end days" of chemo. I get e-mails from others who have gone through this experience, encouraging me. It is no longer like dieing "a little", it is like dieing "a lot"! I keep telling myself, two more, one more month! but knowing for this month each day will be worse is not a happy thought! There is an end in sight! It is like 30 days in prison and as each day passes I can cross it off, smilng and lucky, knowing there are only 30 of them! Summer will really be here and I can crawl out into the light knowing then, finally, after six months of this, I will get better every day! I know that I am really lucky, that six months is not so bad, that others have survived far worse for far longer. Still, beginning tomorrow I will cross off one day at a time!

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Sunday Morning! Yesterday was beautiful, a real summer day, and today will be sunny also! If we have a long "Indian Summer" maybe I will get some tomatoes yet. I am eating and that is a big plus! My hands feel as if they are about to explode. I can't button my shirt, or do anything that hands are supposed to do! I can type this one finger at a time and that is painful. I still sleep very well, 12 hours last night! I switched from juices and iced tea to plain ice water and now I am drinking more. My next chemo is this Tuesday and then only two more! I know now what it is like to be "an old man". I feel 80 years old and look it too!

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Saturday Morning! It will be a warm day today and the pollen count is supposed to go nuts! I am beginning to understand the obsession with "Food Blogs"! A normal meal is eaten and forgotten. Most people struggle with remembering what they had for lunch yesterday. This all changes with cancer. When you lose your appetite and all eating becomes a struggle you remember it all. I went two weeks without eating anything that I had to choo. But I am gaining my appetite back and yesterday I ate most of a real burrito from a real Mexican Cafe. Now, that is somethiong to be thankful for!

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Friday Morning and we are supposed to have a nice weekend, about 80 degrees f. Wow, warm weather, I will be so happy and my garden will go nuts! Yesterday? It is amazing what a little energy will do for me! I ate again! A real breakfast at a local cafe and it was great! It was my only meal but I ate the whole thing! ate drank lots of water all day long. And, with a little energy I picked up TWO jobs!!! This is a bit nuts of course, I have cancer and these last days of chemo are really hard on me. I think not doing anything is harder on me. When you run out of things to do you have a tendency to slow down, it is better to have things you must do, a reason to get out of bed. I have my assistant for the labor help but it is nice to be able to figure out where things go and how to place them there! Today will be a great day!

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Thursday Morning! No truth, no enlightenment, no insight to art, a pleasant buzz, a fitful sleep but I ate!!! I began yesterday with an Ensure and a wonderful cup of coffee, and two hours later I was at McDonalds eating TWO breakfast burritos and a hash brown! That is more solid food than I have eaten in a week. So this is becoming an experiment. I didn't smoke any marijuana last night and am enjoying my morning coffee today. I am wondering if I will eat? I also drank a lot more water yesterday! Pretty fast results from "modern medicine"!!! I have more, maybe I will have a toke tonight? I think it is our Christian values that prevents prevents doctors from prescribing marijuana as a normal companion to chemotherapy. They are comfortable with the idea that this "cure" must be unpleasant and this horrible road we are on is a redemption of some kind.

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