Feb 23rd 2012: Being a dyslexic comic… I kill at the Stop Laff. Somewhere there’s a cricket on the phone saying, “Gotta run, just got another gig at Tim’s Open Mic." Is it legal to Plank while doing stand-up? Sometimes I get board. [Knock knock] Oh, let that cricket in would you?
Feb 22nd 2012: [Bonus]
Ah the quandary... to plank or to stand-up... don't take me laterally.
Don’t trust a friend who exaggerates about a blind date… She just had a lazy eye, yeesh.
Feb 22nd 2012: Ha! Them traffic camera’s can’t catch me running lights... I put my Ford Focus on blur!!! Booyah! I almost got mugged by that big Kool-Aid pitcher guy till I pulled out a switch-crazy straw on him. Do Mormons break up using Dear John Chain Letters?
Feb 21st 2012: [Bonus] Do Focus drivers get pulled over for a DPI? Then have to walk a vector line?
Feb 21st 2012: My can opener wouldn’t work on my can of alphabet soup… Wackipedia said to try a Letter opener. Ta Da! [Kinda proud]. 1st rule of mime club “ “. I met a guy who said he was a native Californian. He then flung a lance & speared an orange 50 ft away
Feb 17th 2012: At their big barn dances, do the Amish dance the acoustic slide? Wow! I can still fit into my High School tie. & Don’t try to get a clear signal for that new Tourette radio station... Just wait for it to randomly blurt in/out.
Feb 16th 2012: [Bonus]
I’ll just say what everybody else is thinking… Thank goodness blimps don't poop!
Feb 16th 2012: So far my fav yoga position is the Sprawled Manatee. Instead of yelling “shotgun” in your car bomb carpool… get a good seat w Fuse! Trigger! Yellow wire! I met the ‘Orange’ whisperer at Ralphs... He spoke mandarin. I speak Granny… to apples.
Feb 15th 2012: [Bonus]
Growing up we was so poor... we used to drag our feet on the carpet & then zap marshmallows!
I just got Mime Hero… Failed level 1, kept talking. Next up, Level 2… trapped inside an invisible geodescent dome
Feb 15th 2012: I overheard a bad Jaywalker bragging, “I’m from the hood yo”. Monday I helped a gay friend do a little spring cleaning... Whew! So many glitter bunnies. Someone told me the new Ghost Rider movie is really good… Liar liar heads on fire!
