April 8th: Timothy Simpson is cleaning the house today… apparently i'm raising Free Range Dust Bunnies. [Sigh] Do I sweep or plow… I don't remember the bedroom being uphill...
April 8th: Timothy Simpson is cleaning the house today… apparently i'm raising Free Range Dust Bunnies. [Sigh] Do I sweep or plow… I don't remember the bedroom being uphill...
April 7th: Timothy Simpson is having an A.D.D day, how come we don't fish with fish food? Do ethnic moose crave Pepper Lick? Curry Lick? Soy Lick? I met the CEO of a Backscratcher Corp. Small hand but long reach. When a Czechoslovakian is upset does he use 40 letter words? Remember the Le Car? Did it come with a French Horn? Am I the only one spooked by the Burger King Mascot?
April 6th: Timothy Simpson wonders... if exercise works, how come I have a double chin? Chin-ups, push-ups, & throw-ups! [Sigh] Maybe i'll just have a plastic surgeon put in pleats. Maybe i have male pattern fatness? I've tried those diet patches... they taste terrible! Maybe i'll go on a high fiber diet? It must work because you rarely see fat moths...
April 3rd: Timothy knows the books he'd want if stranded on a deserted isl, "500 Recipes for Sand", "The Sensuous Cocoanut" & "How to Build a Raft Using Only Seagull Bones"
April 2nd: Timothy came to a tuning fork in the road. Luckily I'd just took my Hyundai Sonata in for a tune up. I continued on at 440 Hz.
April 1st: Timothy thinks Jessica Simpson is brilliant; the Osborne's new show is worthy of a Peabody & can't wait to see Marilyn Manson on Sesame Street. April Fools! "Funny Tim! April Fools!" "Timothy is very pretty... ok, ok, that one is true... [sigh] i broke the flow."
March 31st: Timothy realizes his Big & Tall Women's store idea might not work. Most ladies would be too embarrassed to enter & that leaves just Transvestites & Xena "You could advertise it on Amazon.com" "Yes ma'am, we can remove the shoulder pads."
March 30th: Timothy wonders if peace is unnatural? Take the Portuguese Man of War… is there a Portuguese Man of Diplomacy? "Say Uncle" Whales instead of Killer Whales? Taser Bees?
March 27th: Timothy wonders if they've done a CSI Circus yet? "I need more chalk, the fat ladys dead, her lover the Siamese twins are beside themselves… She choked on a rubber chicken bone, arrest the clown!"
"It's always the clown's fault." "Why? Just because there's a 17" footprint, or a giant squeeky hammer in the bushes, or a gun with a "bang" banner with wiped prints or a balloon animal head found in her bed? Maybe it's all a coincidence?! What if i add a butler to the story?" "There's DNA evidence on a round red nose found at the scene." "And a big lip stain on one of her coffee mugs & some orange hair samples & an abandoned tiny bike... whew... i'm exhausted... & thirsy, seltzer anyone?!"
March 26th: Timothy put a wind-up key on his SUV & is calling it a hybrid. I traded my Ford Escape because it kept getting out of my garage. Incidentally, my Ford Focus didn't cure my A.D.D.