May 7th: Timothy is forlorn... remember the days when the sky was black with buffalo… [Sigh] today nary a buffalo thanks to our gluttony of buffalo wings. This happened with the Pegasus. What's next, Gossamer wings & roaming fairies? Back off carnivores!
May 6th: Timothy is not to be messed with. My weapon of choice is a can opener… & a Can of Whoop Butt!!! Not the Whoop Butt in a pouch or Whoop Butt light, but the large can from Costco... & its new & improved... with 30% more Whoop!
May 5th: Timothy wonders who decided that if broke; wearing a barrel is a good fashion choice. What about all that oil? Why didn't they sell the oil & buy clothes? Oh my bad… maybe it's one of those filled with monkeys…
May 4th: Timothy is warning friends of a new Lightning Flu… stay in your cars! It rarely strikes twice so check to see if your shoes are smoldering. I was going to add a sound effect here but someone stole my thunder. [Thank you, thank you very much]
May 1st: Timothy is alarmed. Omigosh! Apparently there's a flu going around… stay out of the Piggly Wiggly's! Why don't they report these things? Worse than this Mad Sow disease is the Ben Swein flu… apparently it's a Dead Pandemic.
You may have the Swine Flu if:
You oink more than you cough You call IHOP & ask if they serve pigs in an electric blanket... Read More Your ringtone is "Sooouuuuiieee!" You have a runny snout. Your fever smells like bacon
April 30th: Timothy is remembering his Clown College Graduation. Ah the hand buzzer handshake, the confetti diploma, the whoopee bleachers, & the deans final words, “That concludes the ceremony; I’ll see you all in the car.”
April 29th: Timothy just got back from the dentist… Egads! I've been waterboarded! Rinse & swallow! I confessed to weeing in a pool when I was 4 & flushing foreign objects. My gums were re-grouted… & since I hate flossing, the dentist gave me a tick bird
April 28th: Timothy sat with Mona Lisa, the Thinker & Whistler's Mother watching Masterpiece Theater. Watched Dancing with the Stars with Degas & watched a scrambled signal donning 3-d glasses with Picasso… watched "Who wants to be a vermillionaire" with Rubin & "Dali or no Dali" with Salvador... & saw Fiona Apple standing in front of Magritte.
April 27th: Timothy is pondering the Ferris Wheel. Was there a Ferris Hubcap? Do some carnivals keep a Ferris Spare? Do modern carnivals use a Ferris Segway? How big was Ferris's car?
April 24th: Timothy thinks blow-up dolls get a bad rap… they can hold your place in line, they help with car pooling, they can save you in case your waterbed breaks… anyway, I'm thinking of popping the question.
