May 25th: Timothy enjoyed his day at the British Zoo especially the Robert Cat, the Wood Charles & the Duck William Platypus. [And the British Hippos with their crooked teeth were quite apropos... quite!]
May 25th: Timothy enjoyed his day at the British Zoo especially the Robert Cat, the Wood Charles & the Duck William Platypus. [And the British Hippos with their crooked teeth were quite apropos... quite!]
May 20th: Timothy is thinking of wallpapering his car. Or maybe stucco. I'd love to drive a brick car & chase Crash Test Dummies... [Sigh] is anyone else thinking like this anymore, I know I know, the asylums are full. But i digress, it's all about the 'Curb Appeal'. Don't cut corners, instead of Faux Formica... buy real Formica! Would you buy a Linoleum Lincoln? Exactly. Hmmm maybe I'll just buy a Rover Cozy.
May 19th: Timothy saw some odd TV last week, a chef couldn't lift his wok on Low-Iron Chef, contestants wore barrels on Wheel of Foreclosure & this season of "Heroes" left me wanting more… where was guitar hero?
May 18th: Timothy's struggling to find work… I tried face painting in Iraq, tried going door-to-door as a Wikipedia salesman & the Hooters i opened in Africa just closed. [While I was there I saw a mime stuck in quicksand doing a fantastic rope... that cheered me up]
May 15th: Timothy's Weekend Scraps: The Coast Guard shouldn't hire dyslexics… "What's OSS… OSS… OSS?" Never car pool with clowns. In the milk of human kindness, I think Simon Cowell is 2%. Really? 2009 & still no Plaid Crayon?
May 14th: Timothy is sad his friend the Lizard breeder has gone bankrupt. Apparently his lizards suffered from Reptile Dysfunction. Formerly a lounge lizard, he says although he lost his tail this time he knows it will eventually grow back.
May 13th: Timothy wonders... is 'Crazy Straw' planning any more items… how about the Crazy Q-tip, the Crazy Cigar, the Crazy Razor. The Crazy Flute? Why not offer the official last straw.
May 12th: Timothy remembers… Olden villains were easy to spot. Handlebar Mustache, Long Coat, Tall Top Hat... what an easy Police Line-up, "Ma'am, do you see the man who tied you to the RR tracks? No. #4, step forward & say "Nya Nya Nyaaa & twiddle your mustache"
May 11th: Timothy is listening to suburban blues singer Howlin Chauncey… raised on blue-eyed peas & Grey Poupon greens. My favorite songs so far are, "Nanny Please Don't Go", "Bartender, another Appletini" & "Lil Red Poodle", "Guest House of the Rising Sun", "Zima & Rye" "Gots My Vanilla Latte Workin", "I'm Your Hoity Toity Man"... "Heartbreak 5-star Hotel", & "Papa's Got A Brand New Gucci Bag".
May 8th: Timothy's Weekend Scraps: How come no one seems impressed by my canoe in a bottle? Midgets make me shout… because I think they are just far away. When I was young I thought the Salvation Army just spit at their enemy… [Ok Ok Ok, it was yesterday!]