June 9th: Timothy... Handlebar mustaches? Why stop there? How about adding tassles? A basket? Would a bell be too cumbersome? What about a recumbent handlebar mustache? Then continue with sissybar sideburns... Next week, my take on "Mutton chops."
June 9th: Timothy... Handlebar mustaches? Why stop there? How about adding tassles? A basket? Would a bell be too cumbersome? What about a recumbent handlebar mustache? Then continue with sissybar sideburns... Next week, my take on "Mutton chops."
June 8th: Timothy is amazed by how good prosthetics are getting… I met a guy with a Lego nose, a guy with a water wiggle tongue & then i saw a head hopping by on a pogo stick. Aren't Mondays fun?
June 5th: Timothy's Weekend Scraps: This Saturday is the annual 26 second run for attention deficit disorder, Victoria Secrets is cutting jobs & handing out pink teddys & remember... what happens in Laughlin, you can tell everybody!
June 4th: Timothy knows... oops, hold on… I got something in my eye tooth. My brother has a lazy eye tooth… only eats food slightly to the left of his plate. Sorry, I'm a bit cranky today... just had my sweet tooth pulled.
June 3rd: Timothy loves to play "I Spy" while traveling. In Hollywood, "I spy silicone". In Phoenix, “I spy a drug deal”. In Florida, "I spy an allig--"
June 2nd: Timothy is perplexed by Yankee Doodle… He stuck a feather in his cap & called it macaroni? Hello! You don't see me tucking an umbrella in my pants & calling it pigs in a blanket?! & I'm not going to his house for supper. "Mmm Macaroni… [phewt] do i taste plumage?"
May 29th: Timothy Simpson 's Weekend Scraps: Will a tie for the Nobel Peace Prize end in a Nobel Fist Fight? I'll bet teachers listen to silence on their IPods. Every White Crayon I buy never works! Who'll design the recumbent Xerox machine? [Help workers copy their bums Injury free!]
May 28th: Timothy has a few cautionary ideas for a better week, never allow a man from Nantucket to participate in a poetry slam, never try to baptize a cat & never eat at a discount seafood restaurant called Green Lobster.
May 27th: Timothy thinks we need to stay calm about this Economy. I read how a fireman helped a Suicidal Yo Yo champ from a ledge, "I'm going to talk you down, then back up again, then down again...” Then about a suicidal dyslexic who jumped behind a bus. And finally… a suicidal twin who tried to kill her sister by mistake. Don't read the paper people, read a joke book!!!
May 26th: Timothy thinks Disney can remain current by bringing back those 2 characters Twitter Dum & Twitter Dee, Autopia could claim bankruptcy, Main street could ask for a bailout & how about a new Main Street ‘Blu-ray’ Parade.