June 23rd: Timothy is alarmed by the recent mime wave… "Did you see that purse snatcher sink into that make believe escalator?!" "Not only was I pick pocketed, but apparently I walk funny." "Help! I can't move my suitcase." "We knew the Serial Mime… he was a noisy boy!"
June 22nd: Timothy favors keeping sports drug free. Several US Open golfers were caught using funnels. 1 Rodeo Cowboy was disqualified for using a Velcro saddle & officials are suspicious of an ice skater who just completed a figure 9.
June 19th: Timothy Simpson 's Weekend Scraps: I thought I stepped on something, I checked, yep... a smart car! Pesky things. Does a sneaky Asian leave behind a Chinese checkered past? Few knew General Custard actually loved pudding more.
June 18th: Timothy watched the Lakers last week. Everyone kept saying, "They've got the Mo'!" Kudos on that draft pick. If you got a guy poking their eyes & pulling their hair while they try to shoot, you're going to win. N'yuk! N'yuk! N'yuk!
June 17th: Timothy Simpson wonders... how hard is the Egyptian spelling bee? "Mummy… rising sun-triangle-eyeball-owl-crescent moon… Mummy" [Buzzer!] "Sorry there are 2 owls in mummy." You have to think outside the pyramid people.
June 16th: Timothy tips his tiny red derby to 3 clowns he's recently met, Snacky the Clown… [He hits people with Hostess cherry pies], Chapstick the Clown… [She's the one with huge shiny lips] & PlaceBobo, the HMO clown.
June 15th: Timothy... back off Homeland Security! This morning I got strip searched by a crossing guard. Don't they need a search warrant for lunch pales? They confiscated one kids plastic spork… What about the bone piercing compass, officer Shelby?!
June 12th: Timothy's Weekend Scraps: Saturday I'm doing a fast 'Shakespeare in the Wild Animal Park' "Two Gentlemen From Ve-Rhino!" I enrolled in 'Broken English 101'. Class good. Learned much. Do Smart cars come in other sizes? Could I get a husky?
June 11th: Timothy wonders what are tutus for for? Dancing too close to a curb? Cleaning satellite dishes inbetween gigs? I actually took ballet but got disbarred. They used to stick a "Battlement Frappe' Me!" sign on my back
June 10th: Timothy had a bad day with his pet Octopus... after ice cream he got a huge brain freeze, then on the way home in the car he got restless leg syndrome & finally home I slammed his tentacles in the car door… 8 times!
