Timothy Simpson

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03 Aug, 2009

July 28th: Timothy... are we ready for flying cars? Will women be able to perpendicular park? "Hello Triple A? My car is on the ground again, my tires need helium." Will we parachute down with antigravity cans? How do you signal up? Will the police pull you down? "How high was I going officer?" How soon before the first blimp-jackings? Will they invent a 3-D GPS? "What's the longitude latitude for Jupiter?!" And i guess they'll have to redo some movies! "Flying Ms. Daisy!", "Stars", "Cannonball Soar"...

03 Aug, 2009

July 27th: Timothy is wondering... Y do News Networks feel racially sensative crimes need same race reporters? And if so, what if there's an Eskimo mugging, "This is Nyukuk Kayak… for ABC…" or "… witnesses say they saw a South African flee the area… this is Bob Click! Clack! Zing! Smith… for CBS."

03 Aug, 2009

July 24th: Timothy's Weekend Scraps: I met a mediocre Ventriloquist & we went out for a Gottle of Geer. Yesterday I bought a pop-up book & it was filled with spam. Eureka! I'm putting the finishing touches on my wind resistant squid hat. Why does the head keep falling off my Marie Marionette?

03 Aug, 2009

July 23rd: Timothy thinks buskers should modernize. Fire eaters are so yesterday, how about a microwave eater? "Ding! L & G, a well heated Lean Cuisine" [Applause] Mimes… get trapped inside an invisible geodescent dome. Or how about a monkey with a tin cup playing ringtones on his i-phone?

03 Aug, 2009

July 22nd: Timothy was once a serious Vegan. I'd start each morning with a steamy cup of Miracle Grow, walk my pet Chiapet & then off to my job at the local salad bar… “More Chickpeas, Barkeep!”

03 Aug, 2009

July 21st: Timothy wonders when will they make an elevator that travels faster the more you push the button? How about a vertical autobahn? At the Apple Computers Corp building I accidentally hit shuffle & it took 40 minutes to get to my floor!

03 Aug, 2009

July 20th: Timothy loves huge props... This weekend I bought a humungous can of 'Fix-a-Flat' for my Zeppelin, a Giant Doily for Davenport Iowa, & now I'm on my way to look at a a giant box of Baking Soda for Alaska...

03 Aug, 2009

July 17th: Timothy 's Weekend Scraps: You can spot older Iraqi women by their 5 o'clock eye shadow. After therapy will they rename the 7 Dwarfs Fred, Jerry, Bob… This'll make millions… a new bottled water called, “Garden Hose.” If you listen close to a Kenny G album, you can actually hear a ding for each floor.

03 Aug, 2009

July 14th: Timothy has been doing a lot of reading lately… ‘Save the Whale’, ‘Save the Planet’, How about ‘Save the T-shirt?’ We need a writer's block party. It's inevitable isn't it... 'Bumper Sticker'… the musical!

03 Aug, 2009

July 13th: Timothy marvels at all the bike riders lately & their racing outfits. Does the Tour de France cover this much landscape? "What place are you in?" And lets stop all bike shops from selling spray on biker pants in a can!