August 25th: Timothy is filing away 3 jokes he was afraid to use in a recent show... "I got a new shower massager... she's French", "I lost my job as a lifeguard because of some angry blue dude", & "Wow a free negligee? What's in it for me?"
August 25th: Timothy is filing away 3 jokes he was afraid to use in a recent show... "I got a new shower massager... she's French", "I lost my job as a lifeguard because of some angry blue dude", & "Wow a free negligee? What's in it for me?"
August 24th: Timothy's Pop Quiz, "Only 1 of these is true": The mascot for 3 Mile Island High School is a hairless chipmunk, The wiener mobile was once carjacked by a forklift driver or Tim is a very funny liar.
August 21: Timothy 's Weekend Scraps: Damn! I spilt a bottle of invisible ink & now I can't find the puddle. Solicitors have stopped bothering me after I installed a coin operated door bell. I wonder… would Fudge Ripple Ice Cream be better if made with real Ripple?
August 20th: Timothy… Seriously?! No waffle trees yet? Reptiles for pets? [When's the last time a lizard pulled someone from a burning building? You might see victims holding broken lizard tails in their hands, but…] , We need a 24 hr Regis channel... Seriously! "Tim... you're outta conTROL!!!"
August 19th: Timothy wants to remind everyone, next week marks the 1st Million Clown March… here's a preview: Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! It will start with a 'Bang' flag & teeny pace car. People are encouraged to support them with bottles of seltzer & squirting daisies. The highlight will probably be the "I have a cream pie" speech by key note speaker, Talcom X
August 18th: Timothy applied to be a Weiner Mobile driver & got their response… "You may already be a wiener!" It's like they know me! What a sweet ride, recumbent buns, Catsup & Mustard gages & a key that looks like a fork. [This was so difficult to keep clean!]
August 17th: Timothy wonders... was the Salvation Army ever a successful military? Did they fight with used tanks & bent bayonets? Did they hide behind a barricade of Orange & Puce camouflaged corduroy couches & bonk the enemy in the heads with used grenades?
August 14th: Timothy Simpson 's Weekend Scraps: If I were a pirate I'd pillage gravy boats! Yesterday I met Lefty Lucy [The GPS pioneer for screwdrivers.] Is it true Cancun is building a new Wild Party Animal Park? Stay in your cars people!
August 13th: Timothy is happily sculpting a bust of Rod Blagojevich out of butter… of course there's a certain margarine of error… but either way you look at it you get a fathead… Probably should have used the spray, "I can't believe it's not Joaquin Phoenix" Ok, ok I was going for bust here… Looks like i stumped everyone. Next time I'll think about shortening my response & leave this blog unsaturated. But i think the bust came out Phat! Do I atleast get a butter pat on the back?
August 12th: Timothy ...Seriously?! Instead of a relaxing ballgame, I paid $25 to have 20 incoming beach balls punched at my head by a cute 7 yr old? Who legalized this random beach ball mosh pit? Then I get booed for wearing a spiked helmet & labeled 'vigilante?' Seriously?!!!