Feb. 3rd 2010: Only 1 of these is true: Scientists have found more proof of Global Warming with the discovery of 'Vest Penguins', An eternal pilot light burns in France at the tomb of the unknown chef, most Swimmers are born with pool shaped kidneys & I think there's a leak in my think tank
Feb. 2nd 2010: Timothy Simpson 's Fun Tips to try: Paint your toenails red before clipping & they'll be easier to find. Need a diet that works? Try the Chew Toy diet. [Don't forget ear plugs to mute the incessant squeaking.] Instead of a filing system, use a piling system... works for me!
Jan. 30th 2010: Timothy Simpson 's Weekend scraps: When will someone replace the Styrofoam cup with a rice cake cone edible coffee cup? Have terrorists tried hijacking escalators yet? [Ugh! I wanted to go up!] Good news for unemployment, I just read there'll be 3000 layoffs for people who print pink slips
Jan. 29th 2010: Why do folks challenge comics? "Are you funny?" Let's apply that to other vocations shall we... "Lifeguard... Are you buoyant?" "Mime... Are you obnoxious?" "Magician... Are you tricky?" "Accordion player... Are you deaf?"
Accountant? Do you make cents? Telemarketer? Is it your calling? Archer? Are you aerodynamic? Lawyer? Are you slimy? Fireman? Are you non flammable... Clown? Are you serious?!!!
Jan. 28th 2010: Discussion point: Why get a tattoo when you can use a post-it instead? Sort of a tattoo for A.D.D. Why be so permanent? Same with piercings… Use a paperclip. I can pierce my earphones, the tongue on my shoes but I don't want any part of my body whistling other than my lips.
Jan. 27th 2010: Timothy Simpson Tidbits... [things you might not know about me] I have stacked eyebrows, which I shave once a week; I'm a very fast typist... I run a 440 in 53 sec & I entered a furniture refinishing competition & was the last man sanding
Jan. 26th 2010: Did you know... Pan Flute virtuoso Zamfir also played the Greased Pan Flute & the Bed Pan Flute? That after mice shower they are squeaky clean? That instead of oil painting, eco-friendly artists are now using clean charcoal pencils & a halogen lite-brite?
Jan.23rd 2010: Timothy Simpson's Weekend Scraps: As a juggler & like Mark Mcgwire, I admitted to using helium... but no one paid any attention to my small tiny voice. So Tiger Woods is taking a leave of abstinence? An alphabet soup co. has downsized to just 3 letters... TNT... Oh boy, this could spell disaster
Jan. 21st 2010: Only 1 of these is true: Scientists are trying to breed a Woodchuck & Aphid to create a weedchuck. Scottish cars have a unique safety feature... air bagpipes. Turtles are more susceptible to tornados than any other animal & Tim still licks self-adhesive stamps
Jan. 20th 2010: Odd news day: Since the War for Oil has lost its popularity, a new War for melted butter has erupted in Finland. A Janitor convict escapes from prison after receiving a urinal cake with a file inside & a cling peach farmer claims bankruptcy after receiving a restraining order from his crops
