April 5th 2010: What a weekend, I’m still finding colored egg beater cartons, instead of getting my tongue pierced I got a clip-on, got a discount on an ugly kissing fish then apologized to my other fish & I need to exercise more… my love handles are now senior safety bars!
April 4th 2010: Answering questions… Hardest thing about playing accordion? The groupies… they’re usually about 65 yrs old. How do you manage to juggle without dropping? I wear a medicinal gravity patch. Oddest thing that happened to me this week? I actually got bit by an animal cookie.
April 1st 2010: Only 1 of these is not an April Fool’s: Most termites start each day with a cup of coffee table, Tchaikovsky also wrote a ballet called Ostrich Lake for goony ballerinas, when Geronimo jumped off a cliff he would yell, “Me!” & Tim once worked as a goony ballerina...
March 31st 2101: So I was thinking… does a Ubangi tango dancer clench an entire rose bush in his teeth? Do college kids on Jupiter, moon each other 63 times? Why not buy professional baseball players a scratching post & keep all that lewd itching in the dugout?
March 30th 2010: Fishing… how does one ‘error’ in fishing? “Damn, I caught another Panda.” Spear fishing? What kind of bait do you use on the end of the spear? 1 Fishermen had ink blots on all his little vest pockets... hmmm, I wondered… a leaky calamari?
March 29th 2010: Seriously? Why do people tap fish bowls? Maybe I’ll dress my goldfish in a lil killer whale outfit & see if they keep tapping. Maids for hire in lingerie? I’ll just dress my Roomba in panties, thanks anyway. Do I remember my password? Duh… Certainly, it’s ******. Who doesn't use 5 asterisks? Seriously?!
March 26th 2010: Timothy‘s Weekend Scraps: I was not a fan of horse drawn carriages… till I realized how hard it is to hold a pencil with their hoof. What do Nudists do for casual Fridays? Unflex? I used to be cute but lately instead of whistling AT me, ladies now whistle FOR me. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go sweep up my non magnetic poetry...
March 25th 2010: Timothy is working on his own clichés: If life gives you Lemmings... drive them to a cliff, It takes 9 to line dance, Y'know what really drives me up a wall? A 4 door gecko. Change is inevitable, unless your bill is old & crinkly.
March 24th 2010: Only 1 of these is true: Cartographers have discovered a giant tramp stamp just above the Bible belt, a sex tape has surfaced involving a Westminster dog show beagle & a judges leg, Hawaii has invited Mr. Peanut to teach at their college & become part of their macademia & Tim likes pudding
March 23rd 2010: We need to add more ‘fun’ buttons to things… would you push a shuffle button in the elevator? What if an ATM had puree? What if your phone had 1 that said ‘Death Ray?’ I think I’ll get a tattoo over my belly button that says ‘Eject’…
