June 24th 2010: Seriously? A surgeon in Ohio removed a kidney instead of a gallbladder & then apologized from the bottom of his liver. These days the only thing I’m tolerant of is lactose! Why don’t we spill sawdust in the gulf… works for Bubba’s BQ Pit. Seriously?!
June 18th 2010: Only 1 of these is true: Hasbro is selling a new spiral slinky for fancy homes, sleep walkers can now get back home sooner with the latest fad of Sleep Sprinting, this week’s no. #1 rap song in Canada is “Mountie Killer” & Tim is not a schizophrenic. Yes he is...
June 17th 2010: I kid you not… I go to an optometrist named Wink, I know a lifeguard named Bob & a wheat farmer named Gluten-Free. Why is every gal named Bertha usually big? Is there a skinny Bertha out there? Why are all people named Tim extremely cute?
June 16th 2010: Timothy Simpson Finally I can get on America Got Talent… I got a story… [Cue music] I’m doing this for my best friend who was born just an eyeball… but it doesn’t end there… he has lazy eye… but he & his seeing lazy eye dog are here tonight as volunteers for my sharp shooting act with a Red Ryder BB gun.
June 15th 2010: What a Weekend... CHP pulled me over in my Ford Echo rental so I said, W-w-what’s T-t-the P-p-problem Of-f-fficer-cer-cer? My pet chameleon failed his aptitude test & came home beige & they closed the animal cookie petting zoo… the animals kept disappearing.
June 14th 2010: Timothy‘s Weekend Scraps: Brought my dad to school for a semantics Pop Quiz & got an A for literal comprehension. Gasp! I got asked to be the Grand Marshal for this year’s upcoming Tournament of Neurosis Parade & I bought a very pricy bargaining table.
June 11th 2010: Only 1 of these is true: The worst selling hunting call is the grizzly bear whistler, In Alaska, office workers work in ice cubicles, Iron Man's nickname in high school was "Rusty" & Tim thinks he could win the dyslexic spelling ebe.
June 10th 2010: Seriously?! Does zebra camouflage really work? Does a lion see a jeep & think, “Yum! Meals on wheels” Stop surprising Nancy Pelosi people, she does not need another eye opener. Is Swiss army food so tricky they needed a knife so diverse? Keyless entry? Isn't that just a brick? Seriously?!
June 9th 2010: Thank goodness there's very little Eskimo crime… news teams don't have Eskimo reporters. “Identity theft here has run or wobbled rampant as several badges have gone missing at the Who’s Who convention for penguins… reporting live, this is Nyuk Kayakawak”
June 3rd 2010: Only 1 of these is true… Utah has many De-Cafe’s, Ford has a new car that actually climbs walls called the Ford Gecho, off springs of Single Dad Abalone often produce Father of Pearl & Tim will eliminate 2 more friends today… so speak up people!
