Sept. 1st 2010: Last night I went to a Pee Wee Golf Driving Range… it’s really hard to hit that clown at 300 ft. My caddie suggested a bucket of orange balls & a 9 plastic. I spent the rest of the time avoiding the windmill on the Berber putting purple.
Aug. 31st 2010: What a weekend… I ordered Salmon from a fish farm & got Chickenella, bought a Southern Tea Kettle… when your tea is done it starts whistling Dixie! And i met the man who invented the Allen wrench… what was his name? I had to shake his hand around a corner. [Did you know that the feller who inventer the Phillips screw driver married a lady named Lefty Lucy & wears righty tightys?
Aug. 30th 2010: Timothy ‘s Weekend Scraps: Did Mr. Potato Head ever misspelled Dan Quaylee? A new phonics rehab has opened for folks still hooked on sounding things out. And good luck to Dr. Laura who’s going to retire so she can hang with the sista's.
August 27th 2010: Hot? Last night, I had to count roast lambchops to fall asleep. So hot Lady Gaga performed for Jerry Seinfeld just for the cold stares. I saw 3 CEO’s cooking their books on the sidewalk! I kept hitting the snooze on my smoke alarm!
Aug. 26th 2010: Only 1 of these is true… A ventriloquist's wife gave birth to a boy that looked like the dummy, protecting the ozone, more people are now using Roll-on room deodorizers, the mud flap lady has announced she’s now semi retired & Tim's rap name is P-giddy!
Aug. 25th 2010: I was asked to write a foreword for alphabet soup… “I loved every word!” “A perfect text from A-Z” "Good? Look for the giant ‘A’ rating in every can." [A double 'A' for Canadian Alphabet soup]
Aug. 23rd 2010: Is it true? Disney World is opening a resort for dogs? Will it have ‘Great Moments with Pavlov?’ Or maybe ‘It’s a Small Squirrel!!!’ What else… A Teacup Poodle Ride? Car Window Topia? Splash Hydrant? The Pluto Dawg Club? P-L-U... The Matterbone? The Mutterhorn? Pirates of the Caninebean? The Bark Twain? The 'Here King' Arthurs Terrier-Go-Round? An area called Shetland? And finally, the Main Street Electric Shock Collar Parade! [Boy, i sure hope i'm not coming off like a corn dog] You can find these and more as part of the Disney World Theme Barks.
Aug. 21st 2010: Timothy‘s Vacation Scraps: I saw a stretch Limousine driver actually snap. I’m trying to keep my work outs fun so i just bought a stationary unicycle. Archeologists are frustrated because they can’t find proof of the Boneless Raptor.
Aug. 17th 2010: What a weekend… Stopped at the oldest McDonalds & ordered their pterodactyl Mcnuggets [I used to sell yo-yo’s up in Downey], ran an openly bi-athlon & met with my personal financial advisor at the International Apt of Pancakes.
Aug. 14th 2010: Timothy‘s Weekend Scraps: I actually saw a hearse with a club… who's thinking, "ooooh nice ride?" A knight in shining armor? I’m thinking they aren’t great warriors… hence their shining armor. A moment of silence for Mitch Miller who died this week... Ok, now just the Tenors…
