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21 Sep, 2010

Sept. 1st 2010: Last night I went to a Pee Wee Golf Driving Range… it’s really hard to hit that clown at 300 ft. My caddie suggested a bucket of orange balls & a 9 plastic. I spent the rest of the time avoiding the windmill on the Berber putting purple.

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21 Sep, 2010

Aug. 31st 2010: What a weekend… I ordered Salmon from a fish farm & got Chickenella, bought a Southern Tea Kettle… when your tea is done it starts whistling Dixie! And i met the man who invented the Allen wrench… what was his name? I had to shake his hand around a corner. [Did you know that the feller who inventer the Phillips screw driver married a lady named Lefty Lucy & wears righty tightys?

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21 Sep, 2010

Aug. 30th 2010: Timothy ‘s Weekend Scraps: Did Mr. Potato Head ever misspelled Dan Quaylee? A new phonics rehab has opened for folks still hooked on sounding things out. And good luck to Dr. Laura who’s going to retire so she can hang with the sista's.

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21 Sep, 2010

August 27th 2010: Hot? Last night, I had to count roast lambchops to fall asleep. So hot Lady Gaga performed for Jerry Seinfeld just for the cold stares. I saw 3 CEO’s cooking their books on the sidewalk! I kept hitting the snooze on my smoke alarm!

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21 Sep, 2010

Aug. 26th 2010: Only 1 of these is true… A ventriloquist's wife gave birth to a boy that looked like the dummy, protecting the ozone, more people are now using Roll-on room deodorizers, the mud flap lady has announced she’s now semi retired & Tim's rap name is P-giddy!

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21 Sep, 2010

Aug. 25th 2010: I was asked to write a foreword for alphabet soup… “I loved every word!” “A perfect text from A-Z” "Good? Look for the giant ‘A’ rating in every can." [A double 'A' for Canadian Alphabet soup]

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21 Sep, 2010

Aug. 23rd 2010: Is it true? Disney World is opening a resort for dogs? Will it have ‘Great Moments with Pavlov?’ Or maybe ‘It’s a Small Squirrel!!!’ What else… A Teacup Poodle Ride? Car Window Topia? Splash Hydrant? The Pluto Dawg Club? P-L-U... The Matterbone? The Mutterhorn? Pirates of the Caninebean? The Bark Twain? The 'Here King' Arthurs Terrier-Go-Round? An area called Shetland? And finally, the Main Street Electric Shock Collar Parade! [Boy, i sure hope i'm not coming off like a corn dog] You can find these and more as part of the Disney World Theme Barks.

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21 Sep, 2010

Aug. 21st 2010: Timothy‘s Vacation Scraps: I saw a stretch Limousine driver actually snap. I’m trying to keep my work outs fun so i just bought a stationary unicycle. Archeologists are frustrated because they can’t find proof of the Boneless Raptor.

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21 Sep, 2010

Aug. 17th 2010: What a weekend… Stopped at the oldest McDonalds & ordered their pterodactyl Mcnuggets [I used to sell yo-yo’s up in Downey], ran an openly bi-athlon & met with my personal financial advisor at the International Apt of Pancakes.

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21 Sep, 2010

Aug. 14th 2010: Timothy‘s Weekend Scraps: I actually saw a hearse with a club… who's thinking, "ooooh nice ride?" A knight in shining armor? I’m thinking they aren’t great warriors… hence their shining armor. A moment of silence for Mitch Miller who died this week... Ok, now just the Tenors…

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