Sept. 23rd 2010: Only 1 of these is true: It is not safe to run with a pair of Scissor Sisters CDs, some Miniature golf courses offer midget caddies, a new 'Arabs Gone Wild' video features camels in wet T-shirts & Tim has mastered digital hypnosis… @@ you’re a monkey!
Sept. 21th 2010: Tim’s Advice Corner: Don’t but 1 of those 'Hand' chairs in an antique store… mine had arthritis. Careful, if you hang a low bird feeder you are really hanging a cat feeder. And... don’t trust a rude antisocial gift shop cashier when buying a conversation piece
Sept. 20th 2010: What a weekend… Performed for Doily Makers... They constantly fought over their arm rests. Booked an Octoberfest & will Oompa like it's 1899! & played an Amish Comedy Club… I got the 3 min candle, “Is this Mic still winding? I’ll be here all week, try the grass fed organic beef!"
Sept. 17th 2010: Timothy‘s Weekend Scraps: They should disqualify poker players who test positive for Botox. A truck carrying chicken soup overturned on the freeway & actually cleared traffic congestion. And on Freecycle.com I got an antique diet device... “I Can’t Believe It’s Not A Butter Churn.”
Sept. 16th 2010: Only 1 of these is true: Race horse Secretariat was once disqualified for wearing cleats, in the 80’s the Iron curtain was replace by Iron Vertical Blinds, Marvel Comics has a mediocre hero known as Ironic Man & most Health Nuts die as flabby nuts
Sept. 15th 2010: I kid you not, I saw an Antique shop with a sign, “Senior Citizen wanted”, In Utah they have a pickles & ice cream man… [cuz so many pregnant women] & cannibals have formed a new street gang so beware of drive-by bitings!
Sept. 14th 2010: I bought one of those nature sound thingys to help me sleep better & was up all night listening to agitated Howler Monkeys & Swooping Hawks. The Screeching Owls scared me all the way down to my Bunny Slippers
Sept. 13th 2010: Lady Gaga... Did her outfit make the A-1 list? Should I invite her over for a Barbecue? Y’know the critics are going to butcher her in the press. Looked like she put on a few pounds... Was there a Meat & greet before the show? OK, I’m done.
Sept. 10th 2010: Timothy ‘s Weekend Scraps: People never show shock by their bill for Botox… My uncle recently got a divorce & they divided the house 50-50… He got the outside! I never knew I was that bad at sports till I was voted MVP… by the other team!
Sept. 2nd 2010: Timothy ‘s Weekend Scraps: I met the wife of a toothpaste CEO… so I hugged her from the bottom. Y’know… I want to be affluent but I just can't afford it… Freecycle is offering 2 dog carriers in Koreatown… Are those just lunch pails?
