Feb. 3rd 2011: Would someone explain to me… What makes it a ‘Smart Car?’ If you ask it, “What’s 2+2…” will it honk 4 times? Do we hire a psychiatrist or a clock repairman to fix a cuckoo clock? And is the Lord of the Dance or any of the Guitar Gods in the Old or New Testament?
Feb. 2nd 2011: Only 1 of these is true: 1962, JFK blocked weapons pointed towards the past present & future during the cubism missile crisis, skunk petting zoos are free but the clothespins are $10, a TV channel for dry wits called Pumperknickleodeon starts today & people say “Every great looking guy is always conceited!” “Not me.”
Feb. 1st 2011: What’s next? 2% water? [2% less moisture] Star Trek XXII…'The quest for social security?’ Starbucks next cup, the Bucketta? Magicians performing the Torn & Restored IPAD?
Jan. 31st 2011: What a weekend: Hired to perform at a lobotomy ward… “You were a no brainer!” Met a very buff Russia stage mgr. Maybe it’s from pulling up that iron curtain every night? & my show for a Ventriloquists group? You should have heard them cheer… while drinking a glass of water.
Jan. 28th 2010: Timothy‘s Weekend Scraps: I met Quasimodo yesterday… he has a good shoulder on his head… if you live in Alaska do you only need to take 2 1-a-day vitamins a year? Yesterday I saw a doggy in a dress. Are pets cross dressing now? “Is that a Jill Russell Terrier?"
Jan. 27th 2011: What a weekend. I performed for the inventors of the *asterisks. Then I took a cruise to Thousand Islands… best salad bar ever! And I met their Governor… the Head of Lettuce. Performed for the people who make Booster Seats & got a sitting tall ovation. *We found him very odd.
Jan. 21st 2011: Timothy‘s Weekend Scraps: Went to see a peep show… oddly, I did not see any of my friends in it. Ah ha! I figgered out who’s behind all these award shows… It's the Red Berber wholesalers! Pres. Obama met this week with the Pres. of China. Hu? Yes. What’s on 2nd, I don’t know’s on 3rd world countries…
Jan. 20th 2011: Only 1 of these is true: B4 phones, Superman changed clothes in Alexander Graham Bell’s closet, a popular attraction at the Disneyland in Japan are the Spinning Demitasses, Mexican casinos are quieter because their craps tables use fuzzy dice & Salad bars just aren’t as good as candy bars.
Jan. 19th 2011: Too smart? If someone shoots an asthmatic w an air rifle would he get better? How do they catch fish sticks? Do they use a dog for bait? If Porcupines drove would they drive Dodge Darts? I have a friend who is a ferry driver but he’s straight… yet he also drives a Prius… so I don’t know.
Jan. 18th 2011: Just spitballin’… I’m tired of exercising; I think i’ll just get a tattoo of Matthew McConaughy’s chest. If it weren’t for spell check I’d never use a semicolon. I ate a steak so tough… it had to have come from a mechanical bull? The next superhero I’d like to see? Billy Joel as the Piano Man!
