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17 Mar, 2011

March 8th 2011: Timothy's Life Fixes: Banks, issue checkbooks with just 3 checks & 40 deposit slips, Mr. Sheen, if you want better lawyers… give them a blood test & make sure it’s tiger positive & folks, don’t go to a Cajun café where the chef uses pepper spray as Binaca.

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17 Mar, 2011

March 7th 2011: What a weekend… Performed for an antique music box co... they seemed cranky. An Amish group banned my jugging because I use electric tape on my club handles & I performed for a group of surrealist… the 2 headed cow seemed attentive but the 1-eyed turnip was loud & rude.

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17 Mar, 2011

March 4th 2011: ‘s Friday Quiz: What is a ‘Paino’ A: piano misspelled or B: The one Daffy Duck played? What channel is Charlie Sheen on? [Trick Q, he's on all of them] Essay Q: Can vegans eat Muppets? [They taste like Big Bird] Rhetorical Q: Ah… where does the time go… Answer: Cleveland

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17 Mar, 2011

March 3rd 2011: I think we've all been duped… Charlie sheen now has a reality show on Every Channel! Duh winning! This car wreck can flap his jaws of life all day as long as he doesn't tie up traffic. By the way, there’s is a new TV filter for Charlie Sheen… It’s called "TURN THE TV OFF!"

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17 Mar, 2011

March 2nd 2011: Just Spitballin… Who’s up for Extreme Musical Chairs? It would feature 2 sumo wrestlers, Jerry Springer & a Fung Shei master. Is there already an app for that? Good or bad: Seen candidly naked on film & they deem it decent exposure? Hey I have a new bomb line for my act… Duh! Winning!

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17 Mar, 2011

March 1st 2011: Seriously?! How come my grocery receipt is always longer than my shopping list?! Sure I drive a Cadillac Mr. pompous Prius driver… but I use fat free gas! I went to Borders Book Store & ironically I could not describe a Thesaurus. Seriously?!

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17 Mar, 2011

Feb. 28th 2011: What a weekend… went to see Seal in concert… he’s amazing on those bike horns. Performed for a few Feng Shui masters… They sat far away & facing the back & performed for a group of librarians… they kept shushing me… I was surprised when they whispered "encore"...

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17 Mar, 2011

Feb. 25th 2011: Timothy‘s Weekend Scraps: I don’t know… I think “1 & ½ men” could work… What came 1st... Lady Gaga in a chicken suit or Lady Gaga in an egg? New survey says cellphones can affect brainwave activity... True

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17 Mar, 2011

Feb. 24th 2011: Only 1 of these is true: In 1989, Berlin hired 1000's of mimes to keep the illusion of a wall… activist chanted 'knock down those mimes!’ A Las Vegas Deli was closed down for selling loaded diced ham, a new “Great Dane Fantasy Camp.” has opened for Good Dane doggies & Tim is funny.

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17 Mar, 2011

Feb. 18th 2011: Timothy‘s Weekend Scraps: Did Aqua man grow up playing with a stick Seahorse? How come we didn’t start as Hetrosapiens? In China, will Lady GaGa enter in a giant eggroll? Yum! & Amy Winehouse’s hair stylist says she’s sober… I know… hard to believe she has a hairstylist.

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