March 29th 2011: I’m Feeling smart today… Why do they expel kids from school for truancy? Some folks like tinted windows on cars, homes… not so good on aquariums. If a man dresses like a woman he’s a transvestite… if a woman dresses like a man, she’s… Gloria Allred.
March 28th 2011: What a weekend… I was voted president of the phobia society… y’know, I was afraid of that… so I said to myself 'Tim… you’ve got to stop talking to yourself…' & I performed a show in Scotland… it was on the out kilts of Edinburgh...
March 22nd, 2011: Believe it or… NOT!: Ray Wold, the guy who sets himself on fire, was my Clown College roomate... for encores we'd hold up Dura flame logs. A Plavix tablet helps unclog Ketchup. If a dog seduces your leg while wearing virgin wool, they’re now just wool.
March 21st 2011: What a weekend… Most of my jokes go over people’s heads… but not this weekend in Alaska… I kill in igloos... “Hey… I’ll be here all day” [6 mos]… try the whale blubber! 6 mos later you'll be driving home & you'll laugh!"
March 20th 2011: Only 1 of these is true… Smoke Salmon are often caught hiding behind the barn of a fish farm, a Xerox Ceo's wife had quadruplets… 2 were legal size, in 2001 a mob of seniors completely covered Davenport Iowa with plastic & Timothy is a pefrctionist.
March 16th 2011: Seriously?! L.A. schools will layoff 5,000 teachers? That's not going to make things gooder… A monster smart car? Why not just wear 12 inch rubber soles on your tennys? 'Place Stamp Here?' How many folks still have trouble locating the corner of an envelope? Seriously?!
March 14th 2011: In the news… there’s a new syndrome called Pibolar… it mainly affects dyslexic bipolar people. Aflac is now offering free duck soup with every new account… sorry, to soon [too tsunami?] & there’s a new 4-door skateboard out on the market… called… the Smart car!
March 13th 2011: What a weekend… worked with some odd acts, 1 was a skinny b-day cake stripper who jumped out of the candle, 1 sculpted celebrities from butter… very marginal & a Venus Flytrap performing stupid plant trix who was on edge & snapping at flies.
March 10th 2011: Jus’ spitballin… A pal told me his brother cheats at bowling… How? Does he wear cleats? Steal toed shoes? Use a cork filled ball? Laser? A 12 lb steelie? Did his ball have 6 holes? [So he could use both hands?] Was he hiding another ball up his pants leg?
March 9th 2011: Only 1 of these is true: an NFL Flanker hurt himself on the 3rd instant replay, Betty Beep became the 1st pageant winner when she won Ms. 13 Colonies, a lawyer hearing his brother needed a transplant donated his dorsal fin & lately only TM & CJW think Tim's funny.
