April 26th 2011: Why are Helium tanks so heavy? Is there a veterinarian who specializes in curing Ham? [Either way you get your pig back?] Has your White Out turned goopy again? Make liquid origami. Yesterday I made a Manatee.
April 26th 2011: Why are Helium tanks so heavy? Is there a veterinarian who specializes in curing Ham? [Either way you get your pig back?] Has your White Out turned goopy again? Make liquid origami. Yesterday I made a Manatee.
April 25th 2011: What?! There’s another country uprising in the middle eats? Syrusly? Omigosh it has happened… we are paying for air… ever buy a bag of chips? I don’t know… face painting with a paint gun is just more fun! [& I don’t even charge the kids]
April 14th 2011: The word 'onamonapoetic' means using words that sound like what an object is… Squid, Rock, Foam… But shouldn’t all words do that? Who named the bat? Shouldn’t it be flappyrat? A Dragonfly be Bigasssqueeter? An Accordion be WMD? [Wheezing Mouth Dungbeetle?]
April 13th 2011: Only 1 of these is true… there’s a foreign version of the movie ‘Babe’ with Pig Latin subtitles, in France… cafes have Rude & Non-Rude sections, in Boston the crickets are louder because they wear corduroy pants & Tim needs new friends.
April 7th 2011: Seriously?! I’m more nervous about Mothra fluttering around my porch light than a glowing tuna. Maybe Southwest Airlines should just change their name to Whiffle Airlines? Please Donald Trump… throw your hair into the race! Keyless cars? How will I clean my ears? Seriously?!
April 5th 2011: Tim Tips: When doing their taxes… stilt walkers should always file an extension. [Long form] Hardboiled eggbeaters are better for you but tougher to peel. [The Cartoon]. Sharpies work best when preparing diced ham & Larry the Cable Guy should change his name to Larry Wifi...
April 4th 2011: What a weekend… performed for the Etch-A-Sketch Co & got a standing square. My show for the fishbowl makers left them somewhat astonished. Their mouths moved like they were saying, “Bravo!” & my show for Stilt walkers… they didn’t walk out, they stepped out!
April 1st 2011: Timothy‘s Weekend scraps: Like Closed Caption, I hit the mute button when my mime friends come over… kidding, I don’t have mime friends! Donald Trump Jr.’s expecting a 3rd child? Aw, another poofy hair to the throne. OK, Japan’s radiation leak is getting serious… I just saw Godzilla wearing a surgical mask.
March 31st 2011: Only 1 of these is true: Before the gastric bypass, surgeons simply removed dieter’s teeth. The iron curtain was made from steel wool gathered from Brillo Farm sheep. The State flower for Arkansas is gold medal & Denny's is now offering a "Maple Bacon Sundae".
March 30th 2011: Some more of my Disney history… I worked as a custodian… every night I swept up the anvils & stars in Toon Town, changed the newspaper in the Tiki Room & cleaned Peter Pan's dressing room… [Pixie Dust Bunnies everywhere!]