May 23rd 2011: [Twit] My shows for the Boy Scouts always go long because I have to wait for them to finish rubbing their sticks together before i do my encore.
May 23rd 2011: [Twit] My shows for the Boy Scouts always go long because I have to wait for them to finish rubbing their sticks together before i do my encore.
May 20th 2011: I just bought a soy bean bag chair at a garage sale… “Does this make my butt look thin?” I’m not fat… I’m just retaining flesh. They always say eat fish because it’s healthy… but when have they ever found mercury in chocolate cake?!
May 20th 2011: [Twit] Did you know that it is illegal to yell “Little Fockers” in a crowded theater?
May 18th 2011: Damn… my asterisk key’s not working… does that mean my footnotes have fallen asleep? So this feller brings his dog to my Karate class… it’s a Tai Chihuahua… apparently it’s a 3rd degree ‘black leash’. It’s extra embarrassing when it attacks your leg because he does it in slow motion.
May 17th 2011: Am I the only one who thinks a driver should take an IQ test if he cuts me off in a Smart Car? And what does a headhunter use for bait? A Box, a stick & a hat? & ouch! I’m done going to my high impact exercise classes. Goodbye Gymboree
May 16th 2011: What? Another rapper was killed & yet Disco lives on? Y’know… I don’t care how good you are at art, it is impossible to sketch with one of those draw strings… Bad café? I don’t know… I really enjoyed their soup of the month...
May 13th 2011: Is it true? Pole dancers are vying for their "sport" to be included in the Olympics! So do you drop a medal in their G-string? Do they stick their dismounts on the judge’s lap? Will each begin with a Hot Skip & Hump?
May 12th 2011: I was good at running track… I struggled with grabbing the drinking cup while running which effected my 100 yd dash time… & it didn’t helped when I’d get lapped running the 50… Did you know that for the Cuban marathon they also use stopping pistols?
May 11th 2011: Which is more pathetic… Fishing or watching someone fish? I bought a Pocket Fisherman… it worked I caught me a ‘Hot Pocket’ [For better results, sing the jingle] And what does one use as bait to catch fishsticks? Chips? Piñatas? Tartar?