June 29th 2011: I’m looking at the evolution chart… Are there no Neanderthal Women? Hello?! What about Rosie O’Donnell. And where are the sea monkeys? Could Brine Shrimp be the missing link? Land shrimp? Hello?! What about Mayor Bloomberg?
June 29th 2011: I’m looking at the evolution chart… Are there no Neanderthal Women? Hello?! What about Rosie O’Donnell. And where are the sea monkeys? Could Brine Shrimp be the missing link? Land shrimp? Hello?! What about Mayor Bloomberg?
June 27th 2011: Hey Square Dance Callers… do you do other shapes? I found a Horse fly with a broken leg so naturally I HAD to swat it. & relax folks, there’s no serial killer targeting people with big heads… The police are now using caricature artists to draw chalk outlines
June 25th 2011: Hey, why not pay for placebos with play money? In church is it ok to shoo out praying mantis? Or just the non-praying mantis? & I knew it would come out… turns out Bobby Fischer's had a checkered past…
June 24th 2011: [Twit] At the age of 25… because I was ahead of my time, I was actually 36… “If I'm 50 and I'm behind the times. Can I be 30?” “Yes, [Sigh] where does the time, teeth & hair go...”
June 24th 2011: Monday I saw a very angry fat guy wearing red… I couldn’t help myself, “Hey unKool aid man!” Is it true Pillsbury has hit hard times & is now offering ragamuffins? & no grandma… Auto Zone doesn’t sell sheep skin serapes… put the car seat cover back!
June 23rd 2011: What have I been up to? At Dawn I drove to a dog park & released a bag of Free Range Animal Balloons... [I only make doggies] Got my ‘Better Abs’ device in the mail… it’s a cummerbund. Ever been to the Eggo Waffle Factory'? Their trash bins are filled with waffle corners.
June 22nd 2011: So I am standing in this field & people are randomly stopping every time my cell phone rings. Someone then tries to sell me something & with just a thought I am able to speed them away… a cowboy walks by, then a baseball player… Omigosh! I must be in a remote area…
June 13th 2011: [Twit] I read where an officer arrested a man playing bagpipes… apparently he didn’t go quietly! One could say he was sent to wail. I saw it on Cops, "Whatcha gonna do bad noise, bad noise..." In this episode they blur the face of the cop.
June 13th 2011: These dog clothes…. I saw a poodle wearing hot pants… y’know poodles just don’t have the legs for it. I recently joined Cookieholics anonymous… “My name is Timothy & I have been Sober for 2 min… damn snack table!” I should have joined Spinach Anonymous.