Oct. 25th 2011: Gyms called “Curves” are intimidating… go slow, start with a gym called "Oblong." We need new prizes in our cereal… how about a teeny kindle or smart car? And Hey, where are all the sesame forests? Someone needs to plant a hamburger bun. -I think a teeny Kindle inside a box of Cracker Jacks might be funnier... & remix: what would a Sesame Seed tree look like? Foilage would be blooming Hamburger buns!
Oct. 25th 2011: Chatting with Quasimoto beating around the bush... "What if… Here’s an idea… Hey have you ever… " "I get it, you have a hunch." -Timothy Simpson Straight up yo!
Oct. 25th 2011: I’m not a hypochondriac… atleast that’s what my Pediatrician keeps telling me.
Oct. 24th 2011: “You are what you eat…” I need to cut back on dip then. 1 summer I actually worked as a Spaghetti-O spell checker? Yep. That diagonal slash thru the 'zeros' [?] was a dead give away. Oh great! I pulled a muscle applying Icy Hot. Now what do I use???
Oct. 23rd 2011: What an ego boost, I performed at a senior home & they kept falling out of their chairs... Hey anti-fur activist, I now only wear Vegan coats made from kiwi & peach fur. Booya! For superb dining, do cannibals stop where they serve truckers?
Oct. 19th 2011: We jugglers never learn our limitations… My Extreme Juggling includes juggling a can of Icy Hot, a bottle of ibuprofen & an ice pack. Thx to the I-Pad, Owls can now tweet their hoots. My pet goldfish is doing a ‘Bike Ride for Surrealism Benefit'. If you can please donate a edible piano bench.
Oct. 17th 2011: Warning label on my Accordion reads, “Blunt Instrument. The noise created may cause uncontrollable punching to operator.” Eureka! I have the answer for Hurricane reporters… ankle weights!!! Although the House of Blues is thriving, sadly, the House of Yodel has closed down…
Oct. 16th 2011: I think I’ll open a petting zoo… no animals, just me… It’s always nice to be appreciated. Lesson learned… don’t get into a fight with a street squirrel with letters tattooed on his paw knuckles. Gotta stagger, the ATF is moving in on my Nyquil Lab
Oct. 13th 2011: I used to work the Milk Duds quality control… “Nope… that’s a good one… sorry, we only keep the duds.” When they fire a skywriter... do they write it in pink smoke? And do gangsta carpenters hold their nail guns sideways?
Oct. 12th 2011: I saw a witch riding a Wisk broom & thought, “Smart car?” It’s easy to spot the Easter Bunny’s summer hut in Hawaii… it’s the 1 made with Fake grass. My pet chameleon is so lazy… he just hides & says he’s doing clear.
