My name is Joel Yoder. I'm 19 years old and attend Indiana University. I study art, animal behavior and japanese. I just recently submitted my appeal for the entry into the individualized major program where I will get a major in 2D animation. I'm self taught and am really not very happy with any of my art. I don't really have any friends, which I accept as my fault, but I am kinda bitter about nobody likeing me. I am slowly believing less and less that an egual exchange of love between two people exists. When I see somebody that I want to meet then I just tell myself what I have come to except as the reality for me, "Just remember, it doesn't matter who doesn't like you when you accept the truth that nobody in this world will ever love you." Depressing, but once you get past the suicidal depression and crying then I just kinda settle into a constance state of one even depression, which I guess is better than ok times coupled with crushing depression. I cry a lot. I believe in God and I'm a Christian as far as my beliefs go but I havn't really been any where near a good christian recently. I like fantasy and most of the time prefer it to reality. I don't really have any current ambitions or goals in my life, I just kinda live and do what I have to do in order to survive and avoid conflict. I want to be an animator because they can create a reality, that is excepted by so many, out of virtually nothing. I have very low self assteem and would say on average I hate myself, I just don't really know how to change myself. I can't see the way other people see me which makes it very difficult. Another thing I've realized recently is that I've crushed on and deeply loved more people that I have created in my mind and dreamed about than people in reality. Sometimes to the point of waking up and missing that person so much that I want to just go back to sleep so I can see them. The reason I'm writing this is that a lot of it is portrayed in my art, or at least affects it in some way. Not that anybody will read this, but if you do, whatever. idc
Facebook, Myspace, AIM: americanimengel
