May 4th 2012: The TV show “Cops” should use T-shirt guns on their perps. If I were on CSI, I’d pelt someone to death w blood oranges… let's sort out that DNA now, Caruso! I have an ad running on Craigslist… Wanted, Rat’s patooty… so far no one will give me one.
May 3rd 2012: [Bonus]
I'm ready to go on ABC's Shark Tank... million dollar product, "Coasters for Babies or Sweaty Midgets…"
Remember a few yrs back when they crowned the winner of the 2007 American idol before realizing it was actually just a screech owl?
Lazy? For 2 summers I was a Pee Wee Golf Caddy… "I'd use the orange ball on the waving clowns mouth"
I wonder if the Pillsbury Doughboy & his wife ever role play... "I'll be a Kaiser & you be a French Croissant"
Don’t be apathetic about the dangers of operating heavy machinery… remember folks, safety 5th!
May 3rd 2012: Today the news reported a Disabled Vehicle on the 101... Uh hello?! It’s a Motorly Challenged Vehicle! Why do so many blind people pose for scandalous nudy photos? I found the Bowtie pasta, now where's the $!@# matching cummerbund pasta?!
May 2nd 2012: What’s that smell?! Ah! It's the Muenster truck rally. Hey, I just saw a Hologram of Abe Vigoda at Costco... What?! He’s not dead? Never mind. Yes, I like to lick playground slides... but it’s purely recreational.
May 1st 2012: [Bonus]
Do lawyers wear fire retardant pants?
For health purposes, a Snowman should drink about 80 glasses of water a day
Is it sad for the cat that sees the other cats outside playing w a ball of yarn while he has to stay indoors being a violin?
Bored? Put up the sign, “Beware of Pet Rock” then hide behind your house & throw stones at passerby’s.
May 1st 2012: Ohoh... I just saw Stone Phillips walking towards a glass house. Not all new technology is good… try opening a walnut w a nail gun! I told my elderly neighbor she forgot to draw her eyebrows on… she didn’t look surprised.
April 30th 2012: [Bonus]
Yeech! Baking soda? Who drinks this stuff… gingerbread men?
I really enjoyed the harp seal at Sea World today... his rendition of “Danny Boy” was beautiful.
I couldn’t handle Cross Fit… it actually turned into Hissy Fit.
April 30th 2012: My pet lizard refuses to wear the dresses I buy him. What’s the deal Kimono Dragon? Met the CEO of a Rubber Band Co. who was 6’7”! “Hey stretch… Ooh snap!” He then tried to put my eye. I’m a schitzophrenic all rolled up into 12.
April 27th 2012: [Bonus]
During lunch time, down at the Mercedes-Benz dealer, I saw them playing kick the smart car
This weekend they’re holding ‘Face’ character auditions at Disneyland… Wish me luck, I’m trying out for goofy!
Dumb? I just bought the Rosetta Stone language learning software for 'British'
April 27th 2012: Interviewed for the Food Channel Monday... met the Cake Boss's secy Twinkie. [I knew him when he was just Cake Trainee] “Your dog's very frisky, what kind of a dog is he?” “He’s a Meth Lab”. Please give to Starving Psychics… just food for thot.
