Oil on Canvas 100cm x 150cm March 2002 "Spiritual Emergency... the dying of fear.." This awful peculiar feeling slowly arises.. steadily... surely growing stronger and stronger.. stirrings at first.. deep inside her chest, her heart... it should not be there... this growing stirring.. she is uncomfortable with this.. it shouldnt be here.. She tries to make this awful, alien feeling dissapear.. afterall she is an expert on making feelings dissapear, any feelings, all feelings...for survivals sake, she has been doing this for ages... But this is growing too fast, too much and too powerfull.. The more she tries to eliminate it.. the stronger and more powerfull this alien wave of monstrous painfull, awful feelings becomes.. there is no word to describe this she thinks.. ..IT!.. IT comes in waves after waves.. a Tsunami.. unable to be contained.. A nausea feeling engulfes her.. She has to be alone.. urgently.. It is breaking her, demanding ITs monstrous existance..pounding her.. until she can no longer contain IT.. She runs to a place where no soul dwells.. desperately trying to hide herself.. The lady guardian who is in charge of her journey silently follows her, Lady Guardian knows this is part of the procedure, the symptoms are obvious.. Lady guardian knows this, the breakthrough had just begun.. the Rebirth... it will be over soon...its perfection unfolding.. She feels helpless and defeated.. there is no use in fighting this.. so she just let go.. die if she must die.. this must be worse than death itself.. so be it... As she surrenders.. The dam in her being breaks.. and suddenly she is immersed, helplessly drowning in a massive monstroucity of a maddening whirlpool of mixed thunderous frightening feelings... Her fears... at its greatest.. Her sadness.. at its peak.. Her dissapointments ... at its worst.. again.. Her fears.. Her sadness.. Her dissapointments.. Fears.. Sadness.. Disappointments.. all these.. that she had thought have been eliminated by her long ago.. over and over.. again and again.. all these.. came back rushing, gushing, whooshing from deep inside of her.. through her chest past her throat .... And then..she lets out a deep cry.. an animal like moan.. Her voice... is a vesel.. a golden vesel.. a golden vesel carrying all these feelings out of her.. vessels after vessels.. all these feelings steadily exits her being.. this goes on as if forever.. and ever.. and ever.. bitter.. sweet.. untill there is no more... finally.. She drops to the floor.. Lady Guardian gently touches her shoulder understanding everything, saying nothing.. Her cries gradually decreases in its desperation.. gentle cries and sobs are all there is now.. She embraces her being.. and hugs her physical body..her knees folding to her body in need of her own embrace.. She closes her eyes.. stillness.. nothing moves.. as if the world has stopped its revolving motion.. peacefullness radiats its beautifull existance.. relief.. Slowly she raises her head.. a familiar presence is within her.. a Pure, Happy, Joy, Loved feeling... that of a child's.. She reconizes this child... she used to be this child... she was once pure, happy, loved.. this child had been gone a long time ago.. but oh.. it is her.. she is still this.. She is immersed in Pure, Happy, Joy, Loved.... love... love.. lightness.. float.. relief.... relief.. She embrace ever so gently the child she is.. The child found.... a promise of forever bonding.. forever bonding with the child in her.. the child that is her.. She walks as if hovering.. In the room adjoining this.. yesterdays strangers are about.. but now she knows every single one of them.. she knows all their stories.. all their dreams and fears.. everything.. its as if they are her.. and she is them.. all barriers whatsover has dissapeared.. the truth is obviouse to her now.. we are all connected.. I am you.. and you are me.. ~~*~~*~~*~~ Current mood: loved Current music: "La Wally" by Sarah Brightman