Hi, I'm Victoria. I haven't been active here for around 7-8 years. There are a few reasons for that. I won't get into them. But for the last 4-5 years, I've been dealing with depression. I've been depressed since I was born (practically). It's a genetic pre-disposition. But it's been worse these last 6 years or so. It's been affecting my ability to paint, sculpt, wood-burn and make jewelry. This latest bout of intensified depression is partially due to the death of my therapy cat (I have PTSD and some health issues that he alerted us to). Also, my health issues and my (failed) attempts to make money woth my art, as I am often too ill to hold a steady job of any kind. I had a physical gallery/studio for a year at a local college. But gave it up because I couldn't get anyone interested in visiting all of my finds went towards just renting the space. Also, they often kept it too cold and refused to turn the A.C. diwn. Not to mention that another business was interfering with my space and no one would stop it.
Anyway, there's no way for me to do art shows (I have no transport and no one to ask to help. So, I came to the conclusion that an online presence was my best and only choice. That said, I was researching the best ways to appeal to people, how much or little of myself to tell about on my website and so on. I came across several sites and blogs and the like, that stressed how important a creator's "why" story is. So, I started thinking about WHY I do what I do. And everything I came up with sounded unappealing. I tried to think of SONETHING else, but finally I realized that I don't really know WHY I do what I do. I've been addicted to drawing and the like for longer than I can remember. It was an escape from the things that caused me PTSD and was one of the things that kept me from committing suicide when I was a pre-teen. Mostly, I started making jewelry, sculpting and wood burning because I needed something to keep me sane. But, if I were an art buyer, I don't really know if that would turn me away or towards buying the works. I really don't know if it would come across as the artist complaining, or opening up. Anyway- the fact that I couldn't came up with a compelling "why" story lead to artist's block. A bad case. I haven't been able to produce anything new because I keep thinking: "what's the point?" Or "why am I doing this?".... and that stops me from doing much of any thing.
I've been able to sculpt a bit, but not much. No new jewelry. A few ACEO card like paintings. But nothing detaled. I haven't been trying to meet with my former art teacher, to ask her opinion, but it's been one thing after another that keeps stalling that. It's actually painful to not be able to create anything. Especially to not be able to draw or paint..... and it's just adding to the depression. So, I thought I would see if anyone here might have some ideas that could help me through this. Though, I don't know if that's possible. I don't want anyone to feel obligated to respond to this. I just really don't know what else to do, and thought that asking this here might not hurt. I considered asking on Deviant Art, where I have a more updated gallery, but the people there tend to be more juvenile in the way they approach things. It's not always easy to get a kind answer there.... and considering the fact that I am already depressed, I just thought that WE was the better choice. I will ask there if no one is able to help here, but this is my first attempt at seeking help from other artist's online. I'm nervous about typing this, because I still don't know what (if any) sort of response I will get, so typing this was not easy. I appreciate any advice (if any) that can be given. Thank you