What I've learned in 57 years, by Elizabeth Lindberg

1. Willpower is no match for a lasix water pill and a 24 ounce beer.

2. No matter how old you are, your mother can still embarrass you.

3. If you drop 10 lbs, somewhere along the line, they will jump back on.

4. Threat reciepts like they are gold coins, copy and save them.

5. Invest a few bucks in dental floss, and save thousands later on, in dental bills.

6. Buying cigarettes is the same thing as investing in respratory illnesses, yellow teeth, hardened- clogged arteries, stinky clothing, thousands and thousands of dollars in medical bills, and a mother that nags.

7. One small dog is a lot cheapter then a burglar alarm, and much better company.

8. Give up sugar and animal fat, because you'll spend the second half of your life without it anyway.

9. If you want to start the day with a smile, don't watch the news.

10. Life is far too short to live it without a sense of humor

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