I have been doing psuedo-digital artwork for years, just using programs to instantly turn one of my own paintings into a ditalized painting--watercolor, oil, impressionist, surrealistic, airbrush etc or posterized version of my own photo of an actual painting. I never attempted until now to actually do a fresh start and compose and "draw" and "paint" something from scratch on the computer. Until now. I really liked some of the stuff I came up with before, but doing it like I am trying out now was daunting to me. It is not really easy though there are some advantages, such as unlimited erases and with a good program as I have a lot of choices and mixing colors couldnt be easier and you can save a color forever too. But actually composing and painting are not easier at least not for me. Right now I am definately at a disadvantage though as I am painting with a mouse not a stylys...I need to buy a graphics pad and set of styluses. Which I will but cant afford atm. So not letting that stop me from starting to learn how to blend and compose with my mouse...it will get easier once I get a good graphics pad and stylus' set. So here is what I worked on today it is not a painting I am doing...I call her Practice Paint 01a cause I am just practicing adding colors over paint, blending, composing lines (not easy with a mouse when you use your mouse backwards but dont normally paint backwards and I cant for the life of me use a mouse unless the darn thing is upside down I prefer to move it left when I wish to go right and I think is because of a stroke I had when I was forty years old. So there is not I can do about that but again once I get my stylus I think that will solve this problem...I cant hardly paint with the stylus upsidedown now can I? Well dont answer cause I might find a way....Anyway, I had to work several hours to do this small amount of work but I can see that it is doable and I am quite pleased.
Now to tell you why I have a need to go digital....I am faced with ever failing health and I fear my days of living independ will not be forever and I worry that if I have to go to an adult family (preferable to a nursing home definitely so hopefully one of them or an assisted living)...anyway, it will be hard to find one that will allow an old feeble frail woman to paint on their carpet with real acrylic paint. Most of those places are more business than family so they wont really care if painting is very important to my mental health and almost really a need for me rather just labeled a hobby as is superfluous activity...it is more like breathing and eating...but moslty people dont see that or care if they are in it only for the buck, which it is very sad that people are now exploiting the sick and the elderly for profit rather than providing compassionate care just because it is something a society should do for those who need it....instead, business people vie for our healthcare insurance dollars and care nothing about the care they are providing us. So be it, I must live with that and so shall all of you if it does not change before you hit your frail years....but in the meantime, I need to be able to express myself artistically and not be stifled until hopefully I rest my hands above my chest and am placed back into the womb of our Mother Earth to return to my Creator. And I hope the same for all of you. For being an artist is more than a job or a hobby....being an artist is a way of just BEING...it is who we are. When a person works for Safeway or McDonalds or Seatac Airport or even the CIA (G-d forgive them) that job does not define who they are as a person...and build model airplanes does not so much either, or crocheting blankets....some of those hobbies say something about our personalities but they do not desribe much detail about who we are but if we are an artist that paints...the actually painting is a vehicle of our creativity..it does not so much count...being an artist is a primal way of being, more than just a job or hobby....an artist is one who like G-d, creates from scratch...Where G-d creates life, we artists created visual reprehentation of that life but it is created none the less much the same...it is created from within ourselves and is created from scratch. An artist who much look at pictures to create a painting is not an artist..they are a painter, maybe a very good painter but a real artist has the pictures within herself or himself. I may not be the best or most skilled painter in the world...my eyesight is dim and my hands are arthritic for one...but I am a real artist..I never need a prompt from a photo or an event to give me something to paint. I need only pause and search inside myself and an image will almost always come unless I am very depressed. My thoughts as to where these images actually come from...I believe like Karl Jung in what he called the Collective Unconsious. I believe in my case I tap into a collect consciousness of my Jewish people, all the Jews who were ever born, who live today and who will ever be born...all of their thoughts within or connected to this pool and when I pause and dive deep within myself I find myself within this poor and I am able to glean images there from which I paint. I think perhaps an artist means we can access this pool a bit easier than non-artists and I think we painters are not the only artists who tap into it--scultures, poets, writers...all artrists may find themselves tapping deeper into it perhaps than average non-artists but anyone at all can tap into it if they can dive deep enough within themselves. It is perhaps also the source of the Wise Woman, our wisdom--our intuition--may eminate from there. Who knows. These are only my speculations. I cannot know if I am right or wrong.